Difference Between Boys and Gals while using ATM

Boys:

1. Drive to the bank, park and go to the Cash Dispenser.
2. Insert card
3. Dial code and desired amount
4. Take the cash, the card and the slip

 Girls:

1. Drive to the bank

2. Engine stalled
 
3. Check make-up in the mirror
 
4. Apply perfume
 
5. Manually check haircut
 
6. Park the car - failure
 
7. Park the car - failure

8. Park the car - Success

9. Search for the card in the handbag

10. Insert card, rejected by the machine
11. Throw phone card back in handbag,

12. Look for bank card.

13. Insert Card

14. Look for Secret Box (where secret code is written)in Handbag
15. Enter code

16. Study instructions for 2 minutes
17. #Cancel#
18. Re-enter code
19. #Cancel#
20. Call Boyfriend/husband to get correct the code
21. Enter desired amount
22. #Error#

23. Enter bigger amount
24. #Error#

25. Enter maximum amount

27. Take cash
28. Go back to the car
 
29. Check make up in rear mirror
30. Look for keys in handbag

31. Start car
32. Drive 50 meters
33. STOP
34. Drive back to bank machine
35. Go out of the car
36. Take card and ticket back from machine
37. Go back to the car
38. Throw card on passenger seat
39. Throw slip on the floor

40. Check make up in rear mirror
41. Manually check haircut

42. Go into roundabout - wrong way
43. BRAKE
44. Go into roundabout - right way
45. Drive 5 kilometers
46. Remove hand brake

47. Call boyfriend/husband to tell how miserable she was because of
HIM.

Think Good Do Good
 

Kudrat ka karishma, ek yeh bhi!!!

 

 

Facebook means face on book?

 

The smartest questions by lawyers in courts!!

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

 WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

 WITNESS: I forget.

 ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

________________________ ___________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

 WITNESS: Yes.

 ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

 WITNESS: Getting laid

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

 WITNESS: Yes.

 ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

 WITNESS: None.

 ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

 WITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a
new attorney?

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

 WITNESS: By death.

 ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

 WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

 ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

 WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?

 WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?

 WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

 WITNESS: Oral.

 _________________________________________

  ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

   WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.

  ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

   WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

  ____________________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

   WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
   ______________________________________

 And the best for last:

 ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
   WITNESS: No.

  ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

   WITNESS: No.

   ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

   WITNESS: No.

  ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

   WITNESS: No.

  ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

   WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

  ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

   WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Rajnikanta quotes

1. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Rajnikant has allowed to live.
2. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Rajnikant.
3. Rajnikant counted to infinity - twice.
4. When Rajnikant does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
5. Rajnikant is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
6. Rajnikant doesn't wear a watch; HE decides what time it is.
7. Rajnikant gave Mona Lisa that smile.
8. Rajnikant can slam a revolving door.
9. There are no races, only countries of people Rajnikant has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
10. Rajnikant's house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
11. Rajnikant can divided by zero.
12. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Rajnikant      
      turnaround kick.
13. When taking the GRE, write "Rajnikant" for every answer. You will score over 1600.
14. Rajnikant has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
15. Rajnikant grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
16. Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Rajnikant"
17. If you Google search "Rajnikant getting kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
18. Rajnikant can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
19. Rajnikant doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
20. It takes Rajnikant 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
21. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikant kicked one of the corners off.
22. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Rajnikant lives in Chennai.
23. Rajnikant once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
24. James Cameron wanted Rajnikant to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went  
       with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
25. Thousands of years ago Rajnikant came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decedents now have
      white hair .

Some Basic definitions

Engineering College : Place where you're punished for getting good HSC marks.

Senior : Guy who got ragged as junior and wanna get some payback...

Fresher : Guy who has to ask where the canteen is...

Really Dumb Fresher : Guy who asks a senior where the canteen is.

Really Really Dumb fresher : Guy who follows the senior to the canteen.

Ragging : The unfortunate fate of the previous idiot.

Evasive action : Watch the juniors when any seniors come nearby. (No one runs faster than a fresher. NO ONE.)

Lectures : Waste of time. Physical presence is a must...only meant for sleeping, completing assignments & general TP

Tuitions : What you take when you don't waste enough time....

Professor : Perso! n paid to put students to sleep.

Vernacular Prof : Unusual variant of previous individual who comes packaged with his own brand of English ("Now you check me our journal." "You Out get from class." "Are you Understand, Beta?" )

Practicals : 60 to 90 minutes in which you watch the girls do your experiment, and usually destroy a considerable array of lab equipment.

Hopeless Practical : The practical in which there are no girls in your group simply look blankly at each other, fiddle with the equipment, and finally copy the readings.(from the girls of course...).

2. The Truth about exams....

Irony : The guy who copied your entire paper passes and you flunk.

Critical Calculation : Summing up the marks you attempted worth in the exam...

Re-verification : A cruel joke. (results of which come after you give the KT exam).

3. An engineer's 10 engineering commandments of Life
1. Thou shalt study only during the preparatory leave.
2. Thou shalt never write thy assignments thyself.
3. Thou shalt begin writing thy journals only on the morning of submission.
4. Thou shalt treat all marks above 40 as bonus.
5. Thou shalt have at least 70 per cent attendance in the canteen.
6. Thou shalt pass GRACEfully.
7. Thou shalt always be an OUTstanding student.
8. Thou shalt give thy attendance without being present...PROXY is a MUST
9. If thou can't convince them , confuse them.
10... Thou shalt start every sentence with a four-lettered word.

4. The Years of Engineering
F.E. Fond of Engineering
S.E. Sick Of Engineering
T.E. Tired of Engineering
B.E. Balls to Engineering
Engineers Anthem:
Hum Honge All Clear,Honge AllC lear, Honge All Clear Ek Din, OH-HO, Mann me hai vishwas, pura hai vishwas, hum ho! ge all clear ek din

Top two Engineering Rumors:
'Did you hear the results are being put up today at 5:30pm'
'Did you hear the exams are postponed by two weeks, its been put up at VJTI'

The most dreaded acronym for Engineers:
ATKT ( After Trying Keep Trying)

The most important criteria while selecting an engi! neering college:
Girl to Boy ratio ( if more than0 .025% then that college is engineers dream come true)

Engineers at work:
Assignments solved by one and then carrying out mass transfer operations throughout the class

The most important machine for Engineers:
Xerox Machine (Without which assignment completion wouldn't be possible)

The most important table in an Engineer's House:
The glass table ( to carry out GT operations, during Night Duty.)

The only queue an Engineer is familiar with:
Submission Queue

An Engineer's favourite watch:
Bird Watch !

Common Engineering Dialogues after a paper:
'Wha! t is this yaar, more than 70% of the paper was out of the syllabus'
'This was the worst paper set in the entire engineering history'

 
5. Feeling after Completing Engineering:
Survived Engineering !!!!!!!!!!!

Awkward Facebook Moments

 

Soib Malic Pics - send this mail to saniya mirza if u knw her email id

She Makes Baby of clay

 

WHY DOGS BITE PEOPLE..

 

 

 

 
 

 

 
 

 

 
 

 

 
 

 

 
    

 

 

Regards,

Vivian D'sa

L&T Infotech, Mysore.

Mobile no : 09538841943

 
 

 

 

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