Now this is Cubicle Decoration !!!

 

 

11.5 m / 37.7 ft. wide painting

 

 

 

The Truth about Men & Women

Men:
1. All men are extremely busy
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their Luck with others
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the women leave them.
7. Although when the women leave them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others

Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have anything to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress Beautifully
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still Expect you to compliment them
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you

Bhopal snaps!!

 

Priceless...

 

 

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping.
Love You!"

Totally shocked with the note, he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.
Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door".

 

Confused, the man asks, “So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?
I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off,

 

You said, “LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"

Moral
Self-induced hangover - $ 400.00
Broken crockery - $ 1200.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk - "PRICELESS "

There are truly some things that both money and MasterCard  can't buy!!

 

 

 

Beer Vs Woman

Most men like women. But, most men like beer too ! So, for men it becomes a rather confusing choice between women and beer ! Following is a debate, developed by the University of Mumbai , in India ... to help you analyze which is better ! Here is the debate .......

A Beer is always wet, a woman is not !
1 point for beer !

Beer is horrible, when it is hot !
1 point for women !

A cold beer, satisfies you !
1 point for beer !

If you come back home smelling beer, your wife can get angry at you. If you come back home smelling women, your wife will get angry for sure and she might even not talk to you again !
Draw ! ( Depends on your point of view ... )

10 beers in a night and then you can't drive. 10 women in one night and you don't have to drive anywhere !
1 point for women !

The older, The beer is - the better, it is !
1 point for beer !

Many beers can make you see UFO's. Many women can make you see God !
1 point for women !

If you ask yourself how the next woman will be, you are normal. If you ask yourself how the next beer will be, you are an alcoholic !
1 point for women !

For a beer, you pay taxes !
1 point for women !

If you take a second beer, the first one doesn't get angry !
1 point for beer !

I like this one..
You can always be sure that, you are the first one " Opening " a beer !
1 point for beer !

If you shake a beer, after a while it calms down by itself !
1 point for beer !

You know exactly how much a beer costs !
1 point for beer !

A beer does not have a mother !
1 point for beer !

You can do it if you want, but beer won't ask you to hug her for half an hour after !
1 point for beer !

So the Score is ........... Beer beats women - 9 to 6 !

If you are a woman reading this and getting angry ......... know that a beer would never get angry ! So .......... Another point for beer !
Now the final score is .......... Beer beats women - 10 to 6 !

4 cats...

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were .
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat,
"T-square, do your stuff."

T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said,

"Spreadsheet, do your stuff."

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies ............Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said

"Measure, do your stuff."

Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk,, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?"

The Government Employee called his cat and said.....

"Coffee Break.....do your stuff."

Coffee Break jumped to his feet...........
ate the cookies...............

drank the milk..............

sh*t on the paper....................

screwed the other three cats.....................

claimed he injured his back while doing so..................

filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.........

put in for Workers Compensation...............and

went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.............!!!!!!!!!!

Agle Janam, mohe sarkari karamchari hi kijo

Things you learn from the movies

1. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

2. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

3. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

4. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

5. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

6. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

7. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.

8. A single match stick will b sufficient 2 light up a room d size of a football stadium.

9. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

10. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

11. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.

12. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.

13. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish. .

14 Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers.

15 All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

16 It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

17. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

18. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

An article worth reading by a Pakistani journalist..

Written by a Pakistani journalist about India [MUST READ]

Capital suggestion
By Dr Farrukh Saleem
12/9/2007

Here's what is happening in India:

The two Ambani brothers can buy 100 percent of every company listed on the Karachi Stock Exchange (KSE) and would still be left with $30 billion to spare. The four richest Indians can buy up all goods and services produced over a year by 169 million Pakistanis and still be left with $60 billion to spare. The four richest Indians are now richer than the forty richest Chinese.

In November, Bombay Stock Exchange's benchmark Sensex flirted with 20,000 points. As a consequence, Mukesh Ambani's Reliance In dustries became a $100 billion company (the entire KSE is capitalized at $65 billion). Mukesh owns 48 percent of Reliance.

In November, comes Neeta's birthday. Neeta turned forty-four three weeks ago. Look what she got from her husband as her birthday
present:
A sixty-million dollar jet with a custom fitted master bedroom, bathroom with mood lighting, a sky bar, entertainment cabins, satellite television, wireless communication and a separate cabin with game consoles. Neeta is Mukesh Ambani's wife, and Mukesh is not India's richest but the second richest.

Mukesh is now buildin g his new home, Residence Antillia (after a mythical, phantom island somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean). At a cost of $1 billion this would be the most expensive home on the face of the planet. At 173 meters tall Mukesh's new family residence, for a family of six, will be the equivalent of a 60-storeyed building. The first six floors are reserved for parking. The seventh floor is for car servicing and maintenance. The eighth floor houses a mini-theatre. Then there's a health club, a gym and a swimming pool. Two floors are reserved for Ambani family's guests. Four floors above the guest floors are family floors all with a superb view of the Arabian Sea.
On top of everything are three helipads. A staff of 600 is expected to care for the family and their family home.

In 2004, Indi a became the 3rd most attractive foreign direct investment destination. Pakistan wasn't even in the top 25 countries.
In 2004, the United Nations, the representative body of 192 sovereign member states, had requested the Election Commission of India to assist the UN in the holding elections in Al Jumhuriyah al Iraqiyah and Dowlat-e Eslami-ye Afghanestan. Why the Election Commission of India and not the Election Commission of Pakistan? After all, Islamabad is closer to Kabul than is Delhi.

Imagine, 12 percent of all American scientists are of Indian origin; 38 percent of doctors in America are Indian; 36 percent of NASA scientists are Indians; 34 percent of Microsoft employees are Indians; and 28 percent of IBM employees are Indians.

For the record: Sabeer Bhatia created and founded Hotmail. Sun Microsystems was founded by Vinod Khosla. The Intel Pentium processor, that runs 90 percent of all computers, was fathered by Vinod Dham.
Rajiv Gupta co-invented Hewlett Packard's E-speak project. Four out often Silicon Valley start-ups are run by Indians. Bollywood produces 800 movies per year and six Indian ladies have won Miss Universe/Miss World titles over the past 10 years.

For the record: Azim Premji, the richest Muslim entrepreneur on the face of the planet, was born in Bombay and now lives in Bangalore.India now has more than three dozen billionaires; Pakistan has none (not a single dollar
billionaire) .

The other amazing aspect is the rapid pace at which India is creating wealth. In 2002, Dhirubhai Ambani, Mukesh and Anil Ambani's father, left his two sons a fortune worth $2.8 billion. In 2007, their combined wealth stood at $94 billion. On 29 October 2007, as a result of the stock market rally and the appreciation of the Indian rupee, Mukesh became the richest person in the world, with net worth climbing to US$63.2 billion (Bill Gates, the richest American, stands at around $56 billion). Indians and Pakistanis have the same Y-chromosome haplogroup. We have the same genetic sequence and the same genetic marker (namely: M124).
We have the same DNA molecule, the same DNA sequence. Our culture, our traditions and our cuisine are all the same. We watch the same movies and sing the same songs. What is it that Indians have and we don't?

INDIANS ELECT THEIR LEADERS

And also to mention: They think of Construction of own nation, unlike nations who r just concerned with destruction of others...

Speech By CEO of Coco cola

 

 

 

Dear All,

 

 

 VERY SHORT, MOST EFFECTIVE AND HOW TRUE... 30 second Speech by Bryan Dyson (CEO of Coca Cola)

 

"Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air.

You name them - Work, Family, Health, Friends and Spirit and you're keeping all of these in the Air.

 

You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back.

 

  But the other four Balls - Family, Health, Friends and Spirit - are made of glass.

  If you drop one of these; they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered.

  They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for it."

 

“WORK EFFICIENTLY DURING OFFICE HOURS AND LEAVE ON TIME.

 GIVE THE REQUIRED TIME TO YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS & HAVE PROPER REST.”

 

difference between you & your boss

ME and MY BOSS

When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough

When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,

When I do something without being told,
I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,

When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
He is cooperating,

When I make a mistake,
I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
He's only human.

When I am out of the office,
I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
He's on business.

When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
He must be very ill.

When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an interview.
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's overworked

When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets

what to do?????????????
Take care, that Ur Boss DO NOT NOTICE THIS!!!!!!!!!
.

Fastest thing in the World... :))

Guys in the University were to be interviewed for a prestigious job. One common
question was asked to all 4 of them.

INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD?

YALE guy: Its light, Nothing can travel faster than light

HARVARD Guy: It's the Thought; because thought is so fast it comes instantly in
your mind.

MIT guy: Its Blink, you can blink and its hard to realize you blinked

SANTA SINGH: Its Loose motion

INTERVIEWER: (Shocked to hear Santa's reply, asked) "WHY"?

SANTA SINGH: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the
worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON
THE LIGHTS, it was over!!!!

BOLO TARA RA RA HOYE.....
 

Wrong email id

A man checked into a hotel.
There was a computer in his room,
So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.

However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address,
and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile... Somewhere in Houston ,
a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her e-mail,
expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room,
found his mother on the floor,
and saw the computer screen which read:
*
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*

*
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To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 28 July 2008

I know you're surprised to hear from me.
They gave computers here,
and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in..
I see that everything has been prepared for your  arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!

Russian models in Indian Sarees

why ? The funny series

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder......

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on.......

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Santa Singh Watch Joke

*Santa Singh's wife was expecting and the baby was due any day. Santa*
*was very confident it would be a boy and was looking forward to the*
*D-day. *

*As fate would have it, he was transferred to another city and*
*had to join office immediately. Before going, he asked his father*
*-in-law to send a telegram confirming birth of his son. But in order*
*to avoid giving party to his office colleagues, he asks his father*
*-in-law to write "the watch has arrived" and he will understand that*
*the son is born.*

*The D-day arrived.. His wife delivered a cute little baby girl. Now*
*Santa's father-in-law didn't know what to do.. If he writes "the watch*
*has arrived" Santa will think he has got a Son. If he writes " watch*
*has not arrived" Santa will get worried that something serious has*
*happened. But being a very intelligent person,he finds a solution and*
*sends the telegram.*

*Santa received the telegram, opened it eagerly and reads "The watch*
*has arrived, but the pendulum is missing". *

HIGHTECH GABBAR

Gabbar  ends Kaalia and two others to Ramgad  to collect the loot-maar software he had ordered.

They reach Ramgad and started shouting:  "Abe O thakur! Kahan hai woh loot-maar software? Last date to kab ka nikal gaya".  

Thakur [with anger]: "Chillao mat! Jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai."

Kaalia: "Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya?"

Thakur: "Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai."

Kaalia looks up and sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC  on one Water tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop.  

Kaalia Starts Laughing and says: "Ha ha... thakur ne freshers KO liya hai, ye log Programming karenge?   In ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate."

Veeru shouts: "Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain, Kuch bhi kar sakte hain."  

Jay hits his keyboard, then says: "jaao kaalia, Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho Gaya."

AT GABBAR'S DEN...

Gabbar: "Kitne bugs the?"

Kaalia: "Do sarkaar."

Gabbar: "Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake? Kya soch key aaye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga?  Naya assignment dega ...aur increment bhi? Iski saza milegi... barobar milegi."

[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. "Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?"

Sambaa: "Chhey sarkaar."

Gabbar: "Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naainsaafi hai."   [Logout - logout - logout].  "Haan ab theek hai... ab  tera kya  hoga"   Kaalia?"

Kaalia: "Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha."

Gabbar: "To ab documentation kar!    

Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha ....................................
 
 
 
 
 
 

My Stupid Suicide Plan - Chetan bhagat

Last week, an IITian committed suicide. People who commit suicide do it when they feel there's no future. But wait, isn't IIT the one place where a bright and shining future is a foregone conclusion? It just doesn't add up, does it? Why would a young, hardworking, bright student who has the world ahead of him do something like this? But the answer is this-in our constant reverence for the great institution (and I do believe IITs are great), we forget the dark side. And the dark side is that the IITs are afflicted by the quintessential Indian phenomenon of academic pressure, probably the highest in the world.
I can rant about the educational system and how it requires serious fixing, or I can address the immediate-try my best to prevent such suicides. For this column I have chosen the latter, and I do so with a personal story.
News of a suicide always brings back one particular childhood memory. I was 14 years old when I first seriously contemplated suicide. I had done badly in chemistry in the Class X half yearly exam. I was an IIT aspirant, and 68% was nowhere near what an IIT candidate should be getting. I don't know what had made me screw up the exam, but I did know this, I was going to kill myself. The only debate was about method.
Ironically, chemistry offered a way. I had read about copper sulphate, and that it was both cheap and poisonous. Copper sulphate was available at the kirana store. I had it all worked out.   My rationale for killing myself was simple-nobody loved me, my chemistry score was awful, I had no future and what difference would it make to the world if I was not there. I bought the copper sulphate for two rupees-probably the cheapest exit strategy in the world. I didn't do it for two reasons. One, I had a casual chat with the aunty next door about copper sulphate, and my knowledgeable aunty knew about a woman who had died that way. She said it was the most painful death possible, all your veins burst and you suffer for hours. This tale made my insides shudder. Second, on the day I was to do it, I noticed a street dog outside my house being teased by the neighborhood kids as he hunted for scraps of food. Nobody loved him. It would make no difference to the world if the dog wasn't there. And I was pretty sure that its chemistry score would be awful. Yet, the dog wasn't trotting off to the kirana store. He was only interested in figuring out a strategy for his next meal. And when he was full, he merely curled up in a corner with one eye open, clearly content and not giving a damn about the world. If he wasn't planning to die anytime soon what the hell was I ranting about? I threw the copper sulphate in the bin. It was the best two bucks I ever wasted.
So why did I tell you this story? Because sometimes the pressure gets too much; like it did for the IITian who couldn't take it no more. On the day he took that dreadful decision, his family and friends were shattered, and India lost a wonderful, bright child. And as the silly but true copper sulphate story tells you-it could happen to any of us or those around us. So please be on the lookout, if you see a distressed young soul, lend a supportive, non-judgmental ear. When I look back, I thank that aunt and that dog for unwittingly saving my life.
If God wanted us to take our own life, he would have provided a power off button. He didn't, so have faith and let his plan for you unfold. Because no matter how tough life gets and how much it hurts, if street dogs don't give up, there is no reason why we, the smart species, should. Makes sense right?

Simply Amazing India

 

Driving Styles around the world...

One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window .
- Sydney

One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn
- Japan

One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator...
- Boston

Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror
- New York

Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat
- Italy

One hand on horn,

one hand on holding gear,

one ear listening to loud music,

one ear on cell phone,

one foot on accelerator,

one foot on clutch ,

nothing on break ,

eyes on females in next car ,
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Welcome to INDIA!

DECISION MAKING !!

This one is quite interesting and really  gives us an
insight into DECISION MAKING. This is no joke so
please take it seriously. Which one will you choose?

A group of children were playing near two railway
tracks, one still in use while the other disused. Only
one child played on the disused track, the rest on the
operational track. The train came, and you were just
beside the track interchange. You could make the train
change its course to the disused track and saved most
of the kids.

However, that would also mean the lone child playing
by the disused track would be sacrificed. Or would you
rather let the train go its way?

Let's take a pause to think what kind of decision we
could make................
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Most people might choose to divert the course of the
train, and sacrifice only one child. You might think
the same way, because to save most of the children at
the expense of only one child was rational decision
most people would make, morally and emotionally. But,
have you ever thought that the child choosing to play
on the disused track had in fact made the right
decision to play at a safe place?

Nevertheless, he had to be sacrificed because of his
ignorant friends who chose to play where the danger
was. This kind of dilemma happens around us everyday.
In the office, community, in politics and especially
in a democratic society, the minority is often
sacrificed for the interest of the majority, no matter
how foolish or ignorant the majority are, and how
farsighted and knowledgeable the minority are.

The child who chose not to play with the rest on the
operational track was sidelined. And in the case he
was sacrificed, no one would shed a tear for him.

The friend who forwarded me the story said he would
not try to change the course of the train because he
believed that the kids playing on the operational
track should have known very well that track was still
in use,and that they should have run away if they
heard the train's sirens.

If the train was diverted, that lone child would
definitely die because he never thought the train
could come over to that track! Moreover, that track
was not in use probably because it was not safe. If
the train was diverted to the track, we could put the
lives of all passengers on board at stake!

And in your attempt to save a few kids by sacrificing
one child, you might end up sacrificing hundreds of
people to save these few kids.

While we are all aware that life is full of tough
decisions that need to be made, we may not realize
that hasty decisions may not always be the right one.
"Remember that what's right isn't always popular...and
what's popular isn't always right."
 
  

LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE

LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the
airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,
'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you
strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed
it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you
like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about
nuclear power?' and he smiles.

OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic.
But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow,
and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a
deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a
flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried
grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's
intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have
no idea.'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel
qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know
shit?
 
 

Rajini Vs Amitabh

Rajnikanth was bragging to Amitabh Bachan one day, "You know, I know everyone. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.

Tired of his boasting, Amitabh Bachan called his bluff, "OK, Rajini how about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it" Rajini said.

So Rajini and Amitabh Bachan fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, And sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts: --- "Thalaiva! Great to see you! You And your friends come right in and join me for lunch!" ...Although impressed, Amitabh Bachan is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Rajini that he thinks Rajini knowing Cruise was Just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else" Rajini says .."President Obama", Amitabh Bachan quickly retorts ..."Yes", Rajini says, "I know him.

And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Rajini on the tour and motions him, saying, :----"Rajini, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up".

Well, Amitabh Bachan is much shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he implores him to name anyone else.

"The Pope," Amitabh Bachan replies ..."Sure!" says Rajini, "My folks are from Italy and I've known the Pope a long time".

Rajini and Amitabh Bachan are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Rajini says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican .. Sure enough, half an hour later Rajini emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Rajini returns, he finds that Amitabh Bachan has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to Amitabh Bachan's side, Rajini asks him, "What happened?"

Amitabh Bachan looks up and says, "I was doing fine until u and the pope came out on the balcony and the Italian man next to me said,

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
"Who's that on the balcony with Rajini?"

Funny Telephone Bill

The phone bill was exceptionally high and

the man of the house called a family meeting...

On a Saturday morning...

after breakfast...

Dad: People this is unacceptable.
You have to limit the use of the phone.
I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here,
I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son: Me too,
I never use the home phone.
I always use my company mobile.

Maid: So - what is the problem?
We all use our work telephones !!

Software Engineer vs Porject Manager

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts,
 
 
'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I Would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'
 
 
The man below says, 'Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, Hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West Longitude.'
 
 
'You must be a programmer,' says the balloonist.
 
 
'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?'
 
 
'Well,' says the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is Technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your Information and the fact is I am still lost.'
 
 
The man below says, "You must be a project manager."
 
'I am,' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'
 
 
'Well,' says the man, 'you don't know where you are, or where You are going.
You have made a promise which you have no idea how to Keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.'

 

New Employment Rules

SICK DAYS
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.

 

SURGERY
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider having anything removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

 

HOLIDAYS
Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

 

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends or relatives. Every effort should be made to have non-employees to attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch-hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.

 

ABSENT FOR YOUR OWN DEATH
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice to allow time for you to train your own replacement.

 

TOILET USE
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance: All employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8.00 to 8.20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8.20 to 8.40 and so on. If you are unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both workers' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing.

In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the toilets. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract, and the door will open.

 

LUNCH BREAK
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slimfast and take a diet pill.

 

DRESS CODE
It is advised that you must come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing designer clothing we will assume that you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay rise.

 

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere.

 
Have a nice day  
 
The Management

 

Life's Little Instruction Book

Life's Little Instruction Book:
. Have a firm handshake.
. Look people in the eye.
. Sing in the shower.
. Own a great stereo system.
. If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
. Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.
. Always accept an outstretched hand.
. Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell  the difference.
. Whistle.
. Avoid sarcastic remarks.
. Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per cent of all your happiness or misery.
. Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.
. Lend only those books you never care to see again.
. Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.
. When playing games with children, let them win.
. Give people a second chance, but not a third.
. Be romantic.
. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
. Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.
. Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It's there for your convenience, not the caller's.
. Be a good loser.
. Be a good winner
. Wave at the children on a school bus.
. When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.
. Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.
. Keep it simple.
. Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.
. Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.
. Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets
. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the one's you did.
. Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you.
. Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you.
. Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a few minutes.
. Begin each day with some of your favorite music.
. Once in a while, take the scenic route.
. Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, 'Someone who thinks you're terrific.'
. Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.
. Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million-dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 a.m.
. Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.
. Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.
. Make someone's day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.
. Become someone's hero.
. Marry only for love.
. Count your blessings.
. Compliment the meal when you're a guest in someone's home.
. Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people.
. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
. Don't expect life to be fair.

 
 

Funny Qantas Humour

Qantas is an airline company based in Australia.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a problem sheet,

which conveys to the mechanics, problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The engineers read and
correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of
the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the sheets
before the next flight.

Of course, the ground crew and engineers have a sense of humour too.

So, here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as

submitted by Qantas pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance
engineers.

(By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.)

read on .... : )

P = The problem logged by the pilot
S = The solution logged by the engineers

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level .

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

A different Love letter and a beautiful reply to it

A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.


My Dearest Pooja,

Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options

(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.
____________ ____

1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:

(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... Am I doing it?

**********

2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:

(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile

**********

3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:

(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song

**********


4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:

(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know

**********

5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:

(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know

**********

6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...

(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded

**********

7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:

(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them

**********

8 ) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:

(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose

**********

9) On that day, it was my birthday. You too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M because:

(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.

**********

If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it.

If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom.
If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.

Eagerly awaiting your reply..

Love, Aakash

************ ********




Pooja's reply letter was also in Q/A format .......


Aakash ,

Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.

**********

1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.

(a) Yes (b) No

**********

2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?

(a) Yes (b) No

**********

3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?

(a) Yes (b) No

**********

4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.

You poked your nose inside...... Right ?

(a) Yes (b) No

**********

5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?

(a) Yes (b) No

**********

6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali ) at the bus stand?

(a)Yes (b) No

**********

7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?

(a) Yes (b) No

**********

8 ) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it true ?

(a) Yes (b) No

**********

9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple. Do you know ?

(a) Yes (b) No

If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you.
If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.

Hope everything is clear to you .
 
 

Zidane is a Hero...OPEN IN IE!!

Tollywood and Kollywood on the heights.... :)

 

  

 

WELL ITS THE FAMOUS HEADBUTT AGAIN....!!

 

The REAL One :

 

 

 

NOW THE CINEMA

If Zidane is a Hero

Then Climax fight in Telugu and Tamil would be as follows:

 

TAMIL VERSION :

 

 

TELEGU VERSION :

 

 

 

 

 

Making a baby. This is hilarious!

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!--


The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'  

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to..'  

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'  

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good.  Did you know babies are my specialty?'  

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !'

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'   

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'  

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'  

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.  

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look.'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'   

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'
'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted.
 

I have 5 questions.

Once president BUSH went to a school to interact with children. After having a brief talk with the children he asked them if they have any question to ask him.

One boy raised his hand and stood up;
Bush: whats your name
John: john
Bush: whats you question
Johm: sir I have three questions
1) why did America attack iraq without the approval of UNO?
2) where is osama?
3) why do America support Pakistan so much?
bush: you are an intelligent student john..(just then the bell for recess rang).oh dear students we will continue after the recess is over.

After the recess

Bush: ok children where were we? Yes, so anybody wants to ask any question?
Peter raises his hand
Bush :Whats your name?
Peter : sir I have 5 questions.
1) why did America attack iraq without the approval of UNO
2) where is osama
3) why do America support Pakistan so much
4) why did recess bell rang 20 mins before the scheduled time
5) where is JOHN?

 

Check Meaning of My Name

CHECK MEANING OF UR NAME. ITS GREAT AND REAL ITS AMAZING

Instructions: What you do is find out what each letter of your namemeans. Then connect all the meanings and it describes YOU. (Its TRUE!!) (Isn't it GREAT!!)

PS: If you have double or triple letters, just count the meaning
once.
===============================================================================
For Example: SUJATA

S  - You are very broad-minded.
U - You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
J  - Jealously
A - You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
T - You have an attitude, a big one.
A - You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.

===============================================================================

A        -You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
B        -You are always cautious when it comes to meeting new people.
C        -You definitely have a partier side in you, don't be shy to show it.
D        -You have trouble trusting people.
E        -You are a very exciting person.
F         -Everyone loves you.
G        -You have excellent ways of viewing people.
H        -You are not judgmental.
I         -You are always smiling and making others smile.
J         -Jealously
K        -You like to try new things.
L        -Love is something you deeply believe in.
M      -Success comes easily to you.
N       -You like to work, but you always want a break.
O       -You are very open-minded.
P       -You are very friendly and understanding.
Q      -You are a hypocrite.
R       -You are a social butterfly.
S       -You are very broad-minded.
T       -You have an attitude, a big one.
U      -You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
V      -You have a very good physique and looks.
W     -You like your privacy.
X      -You never let people tell you what to do.
Y      -You cause a lot of trouble.
Z      -You're always fighting with someone.
 
 
 

THE SUCCESS OF MARRIAGE

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary.
 
They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years.
 
Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage". 

 
Editor: " Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible? "

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: 
 
" We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage.
 
Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses.
 
My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.

 
On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.
 
Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time".
 
She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again.
 
This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued.
 
When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!

 
I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you  crazy?" ..

 
She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time !!!"." 

Husband: "That's it. We are happy ever after. "
 

9 Promises should be taken before choosing IT Profession

9 Promises should be taken before choosing IT Profession
 
1.      I have already enjoyed my life in childhood
 
2.      I love tension   
 
3.      I don't want to spend time with my friends   
 
4.      I love night outs 
 
5.      I love to work on Sundays and Holidays   
 
6.      I want to take revenge on myself (Perfect Reason) 
 
7.      I don't want to marry before 30   
 
8.      I don't want good Salary 
 
9.      I want to learn until my death 
 
 
 

Helping hands!!! Really heart touching

 

Stars at Shilpa-Raj's reception