Funny Qantas Humour

Qantas is an airline company based in Australia.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a problem sheet,

which conveys to the mechanics, problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The engineers read and
correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of
the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the sheets
before the next flight.

Of course, the ground crew and engineers have a sense of humour too.

So, here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as

submitted by Qantas pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance
engineers.

(By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.)

read on .... : )

P = The problem logged by the pilot
S = The solution logged by the engineers

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level .

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.