Sunday, January 31, 2010

Sent By a Police Officer

 
Because of recent abductions
In daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency  situation...
This is for you,  and for you to share with your wife, your children, everyone you know.

 


in this crazy world we live in.
1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do :
The elbow is the strongest point
on your body.
If you are close enough to use it, do!
2.. Learned this from a tourist guide.
If a robber asks  for your wallet and/or purse,
DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM.
Toss it away from you....
Chances are  that he is more interested
in your wallet and/or purse than you,  and he will gofor the wallet/purse.
RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car,
kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy......
The driver won't20see you, but everybody else will.
This has saved lives.
4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars
after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit
(doing their chequebook, or making a list, etc.)
DON'T DO THIS!
The predator  will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side,  put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go.
AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR ,
LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE...

If someon e is in the car
with a gun to your head
DO NOT DRIVE OFF,
Repeat:
DO NOT DRIVE OFF!
INSTEAD gun the engine !
and speed into anything, wrecking the car.
Your Air Bag will save you.
If the person is in the back seat
they will get the worst of it !

As soon as the car crashes
bail out and run..
It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.

5. A few notes about getting
into your car in a parking lot,
or parking garage:
A.) Be aware:
look around you,
look into your car,
at the passenger side floor ,
and in the back seat
B.) If you are parked next to a big van,
enter your car from the passenger door.
Most serial killers attack their victims
by pulling them into their vans while the women
are attempting to get into their cars.
C.) Look at the car
parked on the driver's side of your vehicle,
and the passenger side.... If a male is sitting alone
in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back
into the mall, or work, and get a
guard/policeman to walk you back out.
IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator
instead of the stairs.
Stairwells are horrible places to be alone
and the perfect crime spot.
This is especially true at NIGHT!)
7. If the predator has a gun
and you are not under his control,
ALWAYS RUN!
The predator will only hit you (a running target)
4 in 100 times; and even then,
it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ.
RUN, Preferably in a zig -zag pattern!
8. As women, we are always trying
to be sympathetic:
STOP
It may get you raped, or killed.
Ted Bundy,</ B> the serial killer, was a good-looking,
well educated man, who ALWAYS played
on the sympathies of unsuspecting women..
He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often
asked 'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle,
which is when he abducted
his next victim.
9. Another Safety Point:
Someone just told me that her friend heard
a crying baby on her porch the night before last,
and she called the police because it was late
and she thought it was weird.. The police told her
'Whatever you do, DO NOT
open the door..'
The lady then said that it sounded like the baby
had crawled near a window, and she was worried
that it would crawl to the street and get run over.
The policeman said, 'We already have a unit on the way,
whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.'
He told her that they think a serial killer
has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax
women out of their homes thinking that someone
dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it,
but have had several calls by women saying that
they hear baby's cries outside their doors
when they're home alone at night.

10. Water scam!
If you wake up in the middle
of the night to hear all your taps outside running or what you think is a burst pipe, DO NOT GO OUT TO INVESTIGATE! These people turn on all your outside taps full ball so that you will go out to investigate and
then attack.

Stay alert, keep safe, and look out for your neighbours!
Please pass this on
This e-mail should probably be taken seriously because
the Crying Baby Theory was mentioned on
America 's Most Wanted when they profiled
the serial killer in Louisiana

Everyone should take 5 minutes to read this. It may save your life or love one's life


 
 
 
 
 
 

Wish u a very happy PALLINDROME DAY

 

 

 

 

 

WISH U ALL A VERY   HAPPY      PALLINDROME DAY JJJ

 

Today’s Date :

                               

01|02|2010

 

Now read in reverse!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

49-O in Constitution of India..!

 
Did you know that there is a system in our constitution, as per the 1969 act, in section " 49-O " that a person can go to the polling booth, confirm his identity, get his finger marked and convey the presiding election officer that he doesn't want to vote anyone!
Yes such a feature is available, but obviously these seemingly notorious leaders have never disclosed it.
This is called "49-O".
Why should you go and say "I VOTE NOBODY "... because, in a ward, if a candidate wins, say by 123 votes, and that
particular ward has received "49-O" votes more than 123, then that polling will be cancelled and will have to be re-polled. Not only that, but the candidature of the contestants will be removed and they cannot contest the re-polling, since people had already expressed their decision on them. This would bring fear into parties and hence look for genuine candidates for their parties for election. This would change the way; of our whole political system... it is seemingly surprising why the election commission has not revealed such a feature to the public....
Please spread this news to as many as you know...
Seems to be a wonderful weapon against corrupt parties in India ... show your power, expressing your desire not to
vote for anybody, is even more powerful than voting... so don't miss your chance. So either vote, or vote not to vote (vote 49-O) and pass this info on...
Use your voting right for a better INDIA.
IMPORTANT: Please forward this to everybody you know and help spread this message....
 
 
 

Friday, January 29, 2010

Shaadi.com portals...Ultimate English!!!

 

 

 

 

 This is Ultimate..... I bet after reading u may want to try  "SELF-SUICIDE"....

['self- ' ???...this is just a beginning]...HAPPY JOURNEY !

Below are profiles taken from shaadi.com .These are actual ads on a matrimony site.

Grammar and spelling errors have no place in these profile description as everything is- 

Straight from the heart!

[watch out for the final few ones!

English  lovers TAKE CARE]

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Hello To Viewers My Name is Gundumani , I am single i dont have male,If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalore . if u like me u welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident

or send u letter..

Thanks

yours Regards ~*~

(Truly yours)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state

she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework

 

What Homework???

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I

love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love.

I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i

love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on

........hold my hand forever !!!

 

(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i am simple girl. I have lot of problem in my life because of my

luck. now
i am looking one boy he care me and love me lot lot lot

 

(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but

while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast

 

(by not wearing his jeans? What the hell...)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO

LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL

MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY

THEY ARE

1. THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.

2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION

3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.

 

(all of us are loughing {laughing})

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone

groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he

would be called the man of the lamp

 

(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)

Infact she doesn't know wat she wants ?.. ? A LAMP ? ?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I

love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok

 

(I am again clueless but I liked the use of 'ok'. The person is

Suffering from 'Ok-syndrome')

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father &

Mother. sister completely married

 

(somebody please explain how to get married
completely'?)

( Confused ????? )

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me

pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes

 

Height of desperation!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

iam kanandevi. i do own businas.one sistar.he was marred.

 

(No comments)

(Plz for gods sake ask somebody's help in framing sentence )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily.

i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'. i expect the

good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other

caste accepted ...

 

(but credit cards not accepted..???)

(Perhaps Debit Cards accepted ?.. Clean Habit's??????? Is there

anything like that.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social

service.

 

Zebra..???)

(Gosh!!!!!!!! she knows her heart color)

      

 

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Points of view

Two female co-workers are having a conversation at work.
 
Woman 1: Did you have good sex last night?
 
Woman 2: No, it was a disaster... my husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in 4 minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in 2 minutes. How about you?
 
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home. He took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we took a walk for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. After foreplay we had an hour long session of fantastic sex and then we talked for an hour. It was like in a fairytale!
 
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.
 
Husband 1: Did you have good sex last night?
 
Husband 2: Yes, it was great! I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, screwed my wife and fell asleep.  What about you?
 
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I didn't pay the bill. In return I had to take my wife out to dinner and the dinner was so expensive that we didn't have money for a cab. So we had to walk home for an hour - and when we got home, there was no electricity, so I had to light fucking candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't cum for another hour. After I finally did, I was so mad and aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!


 
 

Making of AVATAR - Pics

Friday, January 22, 2010

Sweets At My Desk

Subha Utha , Nahaya ..Mast Deo Lagaya...
Usko Yaad Kiya Aur Muskuraya...

Muskurahat Ka Karan Tha , Kya Sapna Liya Tha Raat Ko
Main Company Ka Ceo Aur My Dream Girl Was My Pmo.

Mann To Kiyan So Jaon, Swapn Ki Duniya Mein Laut Jaun...
Phir Socha Uski Jhalak Paani Hain Office Mein, Kahin Late Na Ho Jaun...

Goggles Lagaya Style Mein, Sutta Niptaya,
Bike Kiya Self Start, Accelerater Maara

Pahooncha Office...Card Swipe Kara..
Khola Pc ...Lotus Notes Top Par Mail Uska Paaya...

Mailbox Dekh Sanatta Chaya..
Uska Mail Ka Subject Humien Na Bhaya..

Ek Baar Phir Kiya Mail Ka Subject Check
Oh No ..Not Again..Same Words..."Sweets At My Desk"

Darte Darte Khola Mail...Andar Wedding Invitation Paaya...
Lo Bhaiya Lut Gayee Duniya...Mandraya Kala Saaya...

Dukhi Mann Se Socha ....Chalo Ek Baar Contents To Padd Le..
Naam Kya Hai Ladke Ka...Details Se Rubaru To Ho Le...

Phir Ek Baar Mann Chakkar Khaya...Uska Naam Kahin Naa Paaya..
Mail Ka Phir Se Audit Kiya...Dil Ko Ncr Report Acha Aaya...

Mail Ke Subject Se Achi Mail Ke Body Nikli..
Jiski Shaadi Thi ...Woh To Uski Sister Nikli...

Bhujti Hui Low Phir Phadphadai...
Ek Umeed Jaagi..Asha Ki Ek Kiran Nazar Aayee.

Josh Bhare Kadmon Se Rukh Kiya Uske Cubicle Ki Aur...
Ab Sirf Uskee Jhalak Nahin ...Yeh Dil Maange More..

Aaj Tak Cubicle Ki Diwaron Se Dekha Tha Usko..
Dekhte Hee Usne Bola ...Lo Dear, Sweets Lo..

Humne Suna "Dear" , Humne Kaha Ab No Fear.
Kiya Jhuki Aankhon Se Usko Stare, Uthaya Sweats Ka Apna Share..

"Dear" Shabd Kitna Acha Lagne Laga Tha....
Uske Aur Mere Beech Ka Loc Ab Mitne Laga Tha...

Baton Hi Baton Mein Usko Bataya Mail Padke Hua Confusion Tha
Reply Jo Bataya Usne, Phir Se Chida Kargil Tha..

Phir Se Low Bhuj Gayee Thi, Umeed Mit Gayee Thi ...
Uski Sagai Ki Mail To Ek Hafte Pahle Bounce Back Ho Chuki Thi...

Maa Kasam Ek Hi Gaana Yaad Aa Raha Tha Cham Se...
Kasam Ki Kasam , Yeh Pyaar Na Hoga Ab Humse...

O Haseeno Sun Lo Meri Iltaaja,
Please Mat Hona Humse Khafa,
Kuch Bhi Ho Jaaye Ab Na Hoga Adjust,
Ab Mat Daalna Mail With Subject "Sweets At My Desk"

FOUR DIFFERENT THOUGHTS BY " MEN "

Thought 1
 
When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
 
 
 
Thought 2
 
The average man's life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going, Forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners wondering too.
 
 
 
 
 
Thought 3
 
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I got married?"
 
This is the Best !!!
 
 
 
Thought 4
 
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."
 
The whole audience including the priest erupted in laughter.......... all except the poor Groom!!
 
 

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Definition of Birthday

Fantastic answer by Dr Kalam to a question asked at the BBC, Define BIRTHDAY.........
Answer = the only day in your life, when you cried and your Mother was smiling..............
 

Husbands For Sale

                             
                                 A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where
                                a woman may go to choose a husband.  Among the instructions at the
                                entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the
                                store ONLY ONCE !
                               
                                There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the
                                shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you may
                                choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a
                                floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the
                                building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband .

                               
                                On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
                               
                                Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
                               
                                The second floor sign reads:
                               
                                Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love  kids.
                               
                                The third floor sign reads:
                               
                                Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are
                                extremely good looking.
                               
                                "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
                               
                                She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
                               
                                Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-
                                dead good looking and help with the housework.
                               
                                "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
                                Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
                               
                                Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-
                                dead gorgeous, help with the  housework, and have a strong romantic
                                streak.
                               
                                She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth  floor and the
                                sign reads:
                               
                                Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on
                                this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
                                impossible to please.Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

                                Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
                               
                                Please send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who
                                can handle the truth!

                               No Offence Meant ☺

Mouth Watering - Insect Chinese Food

 

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

3 Idiots : Climax in CID style

After Rancho suddenly disappears from ICE, Raju and Farhan Decide to call the world famous CID.
 
ACP: Ohh MY GODD !!! Rancho Gayab hai !! Abhijeet, Daya...campus ko acchi tarah se CHECK KARO !! Woh zaroor koi na koi suraag chhod gaya hoga !! (Shaking his finger)
(After searchin the campus like a pair of buffoons...Abhijeet and Daya find out that Joy had committed suicide 4 years back in the campus...)
 
Abhijeet: Sir, Mamla Gadbad hai...Yaha kisi joy naam ke student ne aatma-hatya ki thi 4 saal pehle. lagta hai woh aatma hatya nahi...khoon tha...aur shayad khooni yeh rancho hi hoga !!!
 
ACP: OHH MY GODD !!!
 
ACP: Yeh joy ki kabar khod ke uski laash bahar nikalo...aur use forensic lab me leke aao...dr. salunkhe zarur koi na koi baat ughalva denge iss murde aadmi se !!
(after fredricks does all the digging and brings out the dead body of joy...and the next scene is of the forensic lab)
 
Dr. Salunkhe: ACP, bahot jaldi laash laaye tum...isse kuch bulvana mushkil hoga...lekin tum tension mat lo...tum dr. salunkhe ke lab se khali haat nahi jaoge..koi na koi raaz toh pata chal hi jayega
(after playin with some colour changing liquids)
 
Dr. Salunkhe : BOSS...tumne kaha isski maut suicide se hui hai...main kehta hu..iska khoon hua hai !!
 
ACP: Salunkhe !!! Mazaak ka waqt nahi hai !!...yeh kaise ho sakta hai??
 
Salunkhe: BOSS...sab kuch mumkin hai !! yeh dekho...(shows him his star-trek type computer and does some really fast typing)
 
ACP: OHH MY GODD !! (still shaking his finger)....toh phir yeh baat hamein kisi ne batayi kyu nahi ??...ek kaam karo...uss principal ko yahaan leke aao bureau me...ab kya sach hai..wahi hamein batayega !!
(virus is brought to the bureau)
 
Virus: Sssir, mujhe yahaan kyun bulaya hai...maine kuch nahi kiya
 
Abhijeet: sach sach batao...uss raat campus me kya hua tha???
 
Virus: sssir, main sssach bol raha hu...mujhe kuch nahi pata hai??
(daya gives him his special CHAMAAAT !!!)
 
Daya: Ab yaad aaya kuch???
 
Virus: Haan Sir, sab yaad aa gaya...bata ta hu...sab bata ta hu !
 
Fredricks: (constipated look)..sir..daya sir ke chamaat me toh jaadu hai...iska 'sssss' kehna band ho gaya
 
ACP: Fredricks..chup raho !!
 
Virus: uss raat sab logo ne gay party ki thi....sab log apni underwear me campus me ghoom rahe the....main bhi tha...lekin mere saath koi flirt hi nahi kar raha tha...isliye main bahot gusse me tha...phir Joy aaya aur usne mujhe uska helicopter dikhaya...maine uska helicopter gutter me fek diya..toh woh rote rote apne room me chale gaya. aur next din humne dekha toh uska murder ho gaya tha...lekin aap please yeh baat kisi se boliye mat...college ki badnaami ho jayegi...
 
ACP: hum kisi ko nahi batayenge...tum hamare saath co-operate karo
(virus leaves)
 
ACP: yahaan kuch toh gadbad hai daya....aisa kaise ho sakta hai ki campus me khoon ho gaya aur kisi ne CID ko bulaya hi nahin??
 
Abhijeet: sir shayad logo ko pata hai...ki pehle police ko bulana chaiye...CID ko nahi !!
 
ACP: Aur yeh kaise hua ki khooni campus me aa gaya..aur campus se khoon kar ke nikal gaya??
 
Vivek : Sir, shayad yeh bhi ho sakta hai ki khooni koi student hi ho?
 
ACP: haan vivek...kuch bhi ho sakta hai...kuch bhi (shaking finger)..ek kaam karo abhijeet...phir se campus me chalte hain...aur acchi tarah se check karte hain...yahaan daal me kuch kaala hai !!
 
Abhijeet: sir daal me kala nahi...puri daal mere jaisi kaali hi hai !!
(they reach the campus in their ol' faithful qualis which changes colour every episode...but the number plate is still the same...and daya slams the breaks....SCCHRREEEECH !!)
 
ACP: Abhijeet, Vivek tum pura campus CHECK KARO....Daya tum iss campus ke saare DARWAAZE TOD DO !!....Fredricks...tum sab logo ko tumhare jokes se entertain karo...aur main yahaan baith ke apni ungli hilata hu....chalo sab apne apne kaam pe lag jaao !!
(after checking the campus)
 
Vivek: Sir, yahaan aiye....yeh dekho...yeh ek chatur naam ke ladke ki diary mili hai sir...isme likha hai ki woh rancho aur rancho ek dusre ke dushman the...aur woh rancho se badla lena chahta tha !!
 
ACP : (shaking finger...as usual)...OHH MY GODD !!! ab yeh Chatur kaun hai... Good work vivek !!...iss evidence ko forensic lab le jao !
 
Abhijeet: Haain !!! Sir, dheere dheere sab pata chal raha hai...shayad se iss chatur ne hi joy ka khoon kiya hoga !! aur rancho kahaan gaya...usse hi pata hoga !!
 
ACP: Toh bulao iss Chatur ko Bureau mein...isse hi pooch ke dekhte hain !!
(chatur in interrogation)
 
ACP: Rancho kahaan hai ??
 
Chatur : I Don't Know Sir !! Mujhe nahi pata !!
 
Abhijeet: Dekho Sach Sach Batao !! Hamein yeh diary mili hai tumhare room se...isme saaf saaf likha hai ki tumhein rancho se jalan thi
 
Chatur : (over-acting)...mujhe nahi pata hai sir !! maine kuch nai kiya hai
(Daya gives ONE TIGHT SLAP and the chair spins)
 
Chatur: Haan haan...maine hi khoon kiya tha joy ka...kyonki usne mechanical helicopter banaya tha project me...aur maine sirf paper ka rocket banaya tha....boo hoo hoo !! Lekin phir woh kambakht Rancho aa gaya...usne mujhe dekh liya tha...isliye maine usko bhi gayab kar diya
 
ACP: waah...kya plan banaya tha...lekin afsos tum CID ke saamne kamiyaab nahi ho paaye...ab banate rehna plan...JAIL me...Tumhe toh FAASI hogi FAASI !!

Changed Sunshine song from 3 idiots

Saari umr hum
Bin piye mar gaye
Ek pal to ab humein Pine do
pine do
 
Saari umr hum
Bin piye mar gaye
Ek pal to ab humein Pine do
pine do
 
Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….
 
Give me some beer
Give me Champagne
Give me another peg
I wanna get drunk once again
 
Give me some rum
Gam hojaye kam
Give me another peg
I wanna get drunk once again
 
Kandhon ko bibi
Ke shopping ke bojh ne jhukaya
 
bibi se jhoot bolna tho khud
bibi ne sikhaya
 
gift laaoge to pyar, varna aatyachar
kitkit sun sun ke pada dimag pe tala
 
shadi ne to sala poora..
Poora A/c balance 0 kar daala
 
Freedom to gaya
GF bhi gayi
Ek pal to ab humein
pine do pine do
 
Freedom to gaya
GF bhi gayi
Ek pal to ab humein
pine do pine do
 
Saari umr hum
Bin piye mar gaye
Ek pal to ab humein Pine do
pine do
 
Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….
 
Give me some beer
Give me Champagne
Give me another peg
I wanna get drunk once again
 
Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….
Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….

Vegetarian chicken!!!

Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs.  But, all of his neighbours were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest.  The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic.   After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass  ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."

Santa's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived.  The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighbourhood.  The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.  

There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you waz born a chicken and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken and you waz raised a lamb but now yara, you are a potato and tomato

1 line humor

 [1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms. 
[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent. 

[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something

[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!

[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
        Dr: Get married.
        Man: Will it help?
        Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.

[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
       Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it..

[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!
 
 
 

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Indori words

 

 

Jai Indore!! Love Indore BHIYAAA KOO.....
Words you would hear only in Indore

 

Pohey jalebi...

 


o bhiyaooo!!! !

 


mai ja riya tha.

 


Kantaap

 


Jhannat Usal Poha,

 


mastiwada, jamawada,Sustiwada, kanjarwada

 


kya farjiwada hai yaar....

 

 
ek chankat padega to sankat mein aa jayega

 


aur 'paarti' kidhar jaa 'riya' hai??

 


abeee Jhaanki....

 


apan ka bike to sanan ja riya hai..

 


JHANDU Hey Kya

 


PANAOTI hey tu bhi

 


tere bhai ne ek kantaap maal set karliya hai....

 


bhiya raaaom!!!

 


ISKI BHES KI TAANG..

 


chankat

 


sala batti de riya hai....

 


aur movie aate hi "are niptayi ke nahi" ya "course kitna nipta dala".

 


baareek....

 


kalti maaaar.

 

 
Haoo

 


pad-le beta tar-jaaega

 


teri baarah ki dher..

 


maja kariya hai..???

 


BHAI KOOOOOOO!!

 


Chilla-Chot

 


Khatkaram ...

 

 
under age boy working at tea stall and motor garage --"aee bareek"

 


used for jerk and crazy guy -- "Pagalee fileem"

 


girlfriend - "daanv" , "funta" , "patthaa", "phanti", "chhavi"

 


   Whenevr u meet a person aftr a long time - "AUR BADE" / "AUR MALIK" /
   "BHAI KO"
   KYAA 'ITEM' HAI BAAP
   
   WHILE DRIVING: "KAHAN GHUS RIYA HE; ' KAISI CHALA RIYA
   HAI;
   BAAT BAAT ME - "MAA KASAM"
   TERI MAA KI....
   AAJ KA KIYA PIROGRAM HAI......................
   chal bhinnat..............
   JO HOGA DEKHA JAAYEGA........

 

 

 

Funny and Crazy Definitions !!!

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.


Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.


Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.


Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.


Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"


Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.


Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.


Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.


Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.


Father: A banker provided by nature.


Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.


Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.


Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.


Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.


Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.


Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.


Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.


Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise after death
 

Aati kya khandala - In Different Languages -Funny

Hindi

A Kya Bolti Tu ?
A Kya Mai Bolu ?
Sun
Suna
Ati Kya Khandala ?
Kya karu Ake mai Khandala ?
Are Ghumenge, phirenge, nachenge, gayenge Aish karenge or kya

Sanskrit : This is too good
Aye balike, twam katham kathisyasi
Aye balakah aham kim kathisyamh
Shrinvasi!
Shrunha
Kim twam khandaalaa agchasyasi
Aham kim kurwasyami khandaalayeh
gamisyami, bhramisyami, nryuthyami, gaayami, maja
karishma, kim karishyami?

Urdu - Best

AAP KUCH BOLEIN?
HUM KYA BOLEIN??
MULAIZA FARMAYEIN
IRSHAD
TASHREEF LAYEINGI KHANDALA ?
KYA KAREIN HUM KHANDALA TASHREEF LAAKE??
ARRE GHOOMEINGE, NAACHEINGE, NAGMEIN SUNAYEINGE, TAFREE KAREINGE OR KYA !!

English :
Aye what do you say?
Aye what should I say?
Listen.
Speak on.
Coming to khandala ?
What should I do, coming to khandala ?
We'll roam, we'll loaf, we'll sing, we'll dance we"ll
freak, baby,what else?


Kannada:
Ye, Yen heltiya
Ye, yen helabeku
Kelu
Helu
Bartiya khadalakke
Yen madli nan bandu Khandalakke
Are Suttadona,Kuniyona, Maja Madona Matte yenu?

Oriya :
Are kana kahuchu tu?
Aye kana mu kahibi?
Sunu
Suna
Aasuchu ki Khandala ?
Kana karibi? Aasiki mu khandala ?
Are buliba, nachiba, gaiba, Aish kariba aau kana?

Sambalpuri: (Western Oriya local language.)
Are kaana karchu tui?
Are kaana mui ar karmi?
Sun
Suna
Aaibu kain khandala ?
Kaana ar karmi aasikina khandala ?
Are bulma, nachma, gaima, Aish karma ar kaana


Punjabi :
A ! ke boldi tu;
A ke mein bolan;
Sunh
Sunha
Chaldi khandala
Ki karaan ae ke mein khandala
Are Ghoomenge, Turainge, Naachenge, Gaavenge, Mauj
Karenge, Aur Ki ?

Gujarati : All time best
Aye shun bole tu?
Aye hun shun bolu?
Sambhal
Sambhlaav
Aave chey su khandaalaa?
Shun karu aaviine khandaalaa?
Ghumshun, pharshun, naachshun, gaashun, majaa karshun,
beeju shun?

Marathi
Aye kaai tu mhantes?
Aye kaai mi mhanhu?
Aik
Aikav
Yetes kai khandaalaa?
Kai karu yevon mi khandaalaa?
Are ghumuyaa, phiruyaa, gavuyaa, nachuyaa, aish
karuyaa, aankhin kai?

Kashmiri :
Heey, kya chaakh wannan
Heev, kya bhe wanneyyyy
Booz
Wanoo
Pakha telle khandalaa;
Kya karee weeteth bhe khandalaa
Pherevhey, nachevhey, geevevhey, khevevhey, eesh
karav, beyy kya ?

Konkani :
Aye ! kassa sangta tu?
Aye ! aao kassa sangu?
Saang
Saangta
Khandalaa yeta ve?
Khandalaa yevun kassa kharche?
Bhovya, Phireya, Naachya, Gauya, maja korya, anikasane?

Bengali :
Ei ki bolis tui
Ei ki ar boli
Shon
Shonaa
Jabi ki khondalaa
K! i kori giye khondalaa
Are, ghurbo, phirbo, nachbo, gaibo, maja korbo ar ki?

Malayalam :
Aye yenna pariyunnu?
Aye nyan yenna parayan?
Kelku
Parayu
Varunno khandala ?
Yendu cheyam? Njaan vannu Khandaala?
Karangam, paadam, aadam, joli
addikam,verendha?

Telugu :
Aye, ainte chaepphuta vu
Aye,ainte chaepala
Vinu
Chaeppu
Wastava Khandala
Yem Chesedhi? vacchi Khandala
Thiruguthamu, eguruthamu, aadthaamu, paadthaamu,maja
chesthamu inkemi?

Sindhi :
Aye cha thi c! haen tu?
Aye Maan chaa chavan?
Budh
Budhai
Acheti cha khandaalaa?
Cha kandis achi maan khandaalaa?
Are Ghumandasi, phirandasi, gayendasi,
Nachandasi,aaish kan! dasi, byo cha?

Magahi : (BIHARI)
A ki bolahin tu
A kya boliyuow hum
Sun
Sunaow
Aaimahi ki khandala
Ki kariaow aake hum khandala
Gumbai, Phirbai, naachai, gaayii, aish karbai aur ki

Assamese:
ey ki kua tumi?
ey ki kom moi?
sun
suna
ahibi ki khandala ?
ki korim aahi moi kahandalaa
are ghurim,phirim, nasim,gaam, khub phurti korim aru ki?

Tamil:
Enna solre
Ennatha solla
mudalla kelu,
sari sollu
Kandala variya
kandala poi enna panrathu
Vera enna .oor suthuvom aaduvom paaduvom jalsa
pannuvom

Foreign Languages :

German :
Was sagst du?
Was soll ich sagen?
Hor mal!
Sag mal!
Kommst Nach Khandala ?
Was machen wir in Khaldala?
Wir gehen, spazieren, tanzen, singen, haben spaCx,
was noch?

Spanish :
T u que deceas?
Yo que deseo?
Oye
Di me
Vas a tu khandaalaa?
Que haceo, yo voy en el khandaalaa?
Viajamos, vagabundeamos, bailamos, cantamos,
disfrutamos, si no.

Chinese :
Ain, Chon Zuan Ho?
Ain, Chon Hee Zuano?
Sui,
Suion,
Hyuan Chon Khandala ?
Chon Tsuani Hyui Hee Khandala ?
Chijuan, Kajuan, Marijuan, Siuan, Samshuan
Tsuaniya Tsu Chon?

Russian :
Aeich, Kov Speache niv?
Aeich, Kov miv Speache?
Nuushev,!
Nuusheva,
Comeva Kov Khandala ?
Kov Sheychev Comov miv Khandala ?
Rotiv, Rotrach, Balleva, Opereacha, Enjova
Sheychevin, Kov
Gobraich?

French :!
Aye! qu'est-ceque tu dis?
Aye! qu'est-ceque tu me vouler dire?
Entendre
Entendrez
Est-ceque tu viens a la Khandala
Qu'est-ceque je fais a aller a la Khandala ?
Promenez,! Allez, Dansez, Chantez a quelle?

Zambesi : (African)
Aye, Zwa To Zulu,
Aye, Zwa Ze Zulu,
Wahte,
Kaso,
Heliyo To Khandaalaa?
Zwa Kumi, Helithe Khandaalaa?!
Himala, Romala, Wahwahla, Infala, Kumaya Kumana, Ni

Dev Anand and Waheeda Rehman Joke for Guide

You must have seen the Dev Anand's mega hit film 'Guide'. In the
film there is a famous song 'Gaata rahe mera Dil...' in which Waheeda
Rehman wears a pink saree and throughout the song she wore the same saree.

So, when we have a trend of heroines changing clothes in every sequence,
the big question is: Why doesn't Waheeda Rehman changed her saree in the
entire song?

The answer to this is simply amazing and no amount of head scratching will help you....

I BET U HAVE NOT COME ACROSS ANYTHING INTELLIGENT THAN THIS ...

> scroll down for the answer....
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And the answer is:

Because in the first stanza of the song, Dev Anand sings the following lines:

'O mere Humrahi,

Meri bah thamen chalna,

Badle duniya 'SAREE',

Tum na badalna...." ☺

Letter from GOD

                                                                                               
 
To:                      YOU
Date:                   TODAY
From:                  GOD
Subject:              YOURSELF
Reference:           LIFE
 
This is God.  Today I will be handling All of your problems for you.  I do Not need your help.  So, have a nice day.
I love you. And, remember.... If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do Not attempt to resolve it yourself!  Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME.  All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours..Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it.  Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now. Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you. You may have touched their life in ways you will never know!
 
Now, you have a nice day.
God
 
God has seen you struggling, God says it's over.

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