Real scenes of Science & Scientists

The great mathematician Waclaw Sierpinski had to move to a new place.They stood down on the street with all their things, his wife said:

you stand here and watch our ten trunks, while I get a taxi.

Some minutes later she returned with a taxi.

Says Mr. Sierpinski : - I thought you said there were ten trunks, but I've only counted nine.

- No, they're TEN!

- No, count them: 0, 1, 2 ..."

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Einstein never has to dress well.

When Einstein's Wife told him to dress properly when going to the office he

argued: "Why should I? Everyone knows me there."

When he was told to dress properly for his first big conference:

"Why should I? No one knows me there."

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It was well known to Pauli's co-workers that Pauli should be kept away from experiments. When he came near any experiment it would go wrong and instruments would go broke. This became known as the Pauli Effect.

One day an important experiment went wrong without any apparent reason.

Pauli was not even around, so this was very strange .... until they discovered a few days later that Pauli was in the train that was passing the building at the time of the crash.

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One student in Rutherford's lab was very hard-working. Rutherford had noticed it and asked one evening: - Do you work in the mornings too?

- Yes, - proudly answered the student sure he would be commended.

- But when do you think? - amazed Rutherford.

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A MIT student cornered the famous John von Neumann in the hallway:

Student: "Er, excuse me, Professor, could you please help me with a calculus problem?"

John: "Okay, sonny, Let's have a look." ( brief pause ) "Alright, sonny,the answer's two-pi over 5."

Student: " I'm having trouble deriving it, though."

John: "Okay, let me see it again. (another pause) The answer's two-pi over 5."

Student (frustrated): "Uh, sir, I just don't see how to derive it."

John: "Whaddya want, sonny, I worked the problem in two different ways!"

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Norbert Wiener was very absent minded. When they moved from Cambridge to Newton; his wife was certain that he would forget that they had moved.So she wrote down the new address on a piece of paper, and gave it to him.

In the course of the day, he threw the paper away. As he went home (to the old address in Cambridge, of course),he realized that they had moved,and that the piece of paper with the address was long gone.

There was a young girl on the steps and he thought of asking her, saying, "Excuse me young lady, perhaps you know me. I'm Norbert Wiener and we've just moved. Would you know where we've moved to?"

To which the young girl replied, "Yes Daddy... mommy said this would happen..."

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After the birth of his sister Maja, the two and a half year old Albert Einstein was told he would now have something to play with. After looking at the baby, young Albert complained "Yes, but where are its wheels?"

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Proff. Dirac was was writing equations on the board. Turning around to a silent audience he asked for any questions. A person in audience raised a hand and said "I do not understand such-and-such an equation". To which Dirac replies, "That's not an equation, it's a statement."

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George de Hevesey suspected that the leftovers from his dinner were not thrown away, but kept for the next day. To check that he added a minimal amount of a radioactive substance to his leftovers. The next day he tested the goulash soup that was served to him with a Geiger counter. The soup was indeed radioactive. And this way radioactive tracers were discovered.

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Albert Einstein once went to a restaurant. The waiter placed menu-card before him. Unfortunately Einstein had left his reading-glasses (spects) at home, so he said to waiter," would you please read it out to me ?"

The waiter hesitated a bit and then replied," I would have been glad to, Sir, but I am also an illiterate like you."

Thank you for your time

Mens Day Celebrate !

bechara mard – poor man

Agar aurat par hanth uthaye to zalim, aur pit jaye to buzdil.

Aurat ko kisi k sath dekh k ladai kare to jealous aur chup rahe to begairat.

Ghar se bahar rahe to awara, aur ghar main rahe to nakara.

Bacho ko dante to zalim, na daate to laparwah.

Aurat ko service se roke to shakki-mizaz na roke to aurat ki kamai pe jeene wala.

Bechara mard kare to kya kare, janhit main jaari ,mahilayee sab par bhaari.
..........SAVE MeN Save earth .

Some logical Thoughts & Statement

1.Whenever you find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

2.To Err is human, but to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.

3.The road to success??.. Is always under construction.

4.Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

5.In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you have ability to repay back.

6.All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.

7.Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear

8.Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.

9.If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

10.You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.

11.Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.

12. 42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot.

13.As soon as you mention something?? If it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.

14.He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.

15.If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? The bus is still late.

16.Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.

17.When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions. Â

18.If you have paper, you don't have a pen. If you have a pen, you don't have paper. If you have both, no one calls.

19.Especially for engg. Students : If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.

20.You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.

21.The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
Â

22.After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.
Â
23.If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.

24.Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker

25.Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.

26.There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.

27.An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

28.Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

29.Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

30.When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

31.Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

32.Well done is better than well said .

33.Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.

34.Where there is a WILL, there is a WAY, Where there is MONEY, there are many WAYS.

35.Where there is MONEY, there are many FRIENDS and RELATIVES.

36.Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Deadly PJs

1. Tumse pyaar karte karte hamne kar diya crime....
Tumse pyaar karte karte hamne kar diya crime....
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." 1 is neither composite nor prime"



2. Agar dava chahiyetoh dhundo koi chemist....
Agar dava chahiyetoh dhundo koi chemist....

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My NAME IS KHAN and I AM NOT A TERRORIST...


3. yuh khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak....
yuh khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak....



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Cameraman praful ke saath deepak chaurasia AAJ TAK..


4.. Arj kiya hai..

He is KISSING
She is KISSING


He is KISSING
She is KISSING

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* * *Some test missing
* * *some text missing

5. woh mujhe chod ke chali gayi usse pana mein chahun....
woh mujhe chod ke chali gayi usse pana mein chahun....
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ahun ahun ahun
ahun ahun ahun



6.mehgai ki iss daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo..
mehgai ki iss daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo..
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ek chutki sindoor ki kimat tum kya jano Ramesh babu...


7. Akbar ne kharide 3-3 ghode..
Akbar ne kharide 3-3 ghode..
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aja aja dil nichode ....
raat ki matki phode...


8.mein hoon yahan tu hai wahan...
mein hoon yahan tu hai wahan..
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LIFEBUOY hai jahan tandurusti hai wahan...


9. Blood donate karne se pehle hamesha uska group janchna...
Blood donate karne se pehle hamesha uska group janchna...
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"BASANTI in kuton ke samne mat nachna...."


10 . Ratan tata ne establish kiya TATA..
Ratan tata ne establish kiya TATA..
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"itni sakti hamen dena data "

What is confidence and dedication?

One incidence is quoted.

India vs Australia [2004] match.

Brad Hogg took sachin's wicket. At the end of the match Hogg gave that

ball to Sachin for his autograph.

Sachin put his sign with one beautiful sentence,

"IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN."

Till today Hogg could not take his wicket for the second time.

THATS THE CONFIDENCE & DEDICATION.

HATS OF TO THIS LITTLE MASTER SACHIN.

Khatarnaak Deadly PJs: Shayari's

1. Tumse pyaar karte karte hamne kar diya crime....
Tumse pyaar karte karte hamne kar diya crime....
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." 1 is neither composite nor prime"



2. Agar dava chahiyetoh dhundo koi chemist....
Agar dava chahiyetoh dhundo koi chemist....

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My NAME IS KHAN and I AM NOT A TERRORIST...


3. yuh khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak....
yuh khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak....



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Cameraman praful ke saath deepak chaurasia AAJ TAK..


4.. Arj kiya hai..

He is KISSING
She is KISSING


He is KISSING
She is KISSING

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* * *Some test missing
* * *some text missing

5. woh mujhe chod ke chali gayi usse pana mein chahun....
woh mujhe chod ke chali gayi usse pana mein chahun....
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ahun ahun ahun
ahun ahun ahun



6.mehgai ki iss daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo..
mehgai ki iss daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo..
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ek chutki sindoor ki kimat tum kya jano Ramesh babu...



7. Akbar ne kharide 3-3 ghode..
Akbar ne kharide 3-3 ghode..
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aja aja dil nichode ....
raat ki matki phode...


8. mein hoon yahan tu hai wahan...
mein hoon yahan tu hai wahan..
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LIFEBUOY hai jahan tandurusti hai wahan...


9. Blood donate karne se pehle hamesha uska group janchna...
Blood donate karne se pehle hamesha uska group janchna...
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"BASANTI in kuton ke samne mat nachna...."


Emotional Shayari…
Arz kiya hai…
Ab toh Zindagi ka maksad hai tujhe apnana…
Ab toh Zindagi ka maksad hai tujhe apnana…
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A for Apple B for Banana…
WAH WAH…!!
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Arz kiya hai…
Kal tak thee jo meri present…
Kal tak thee jo meri present…
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Aaj ho gayee hai past…
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Kal tak thee jo meri present…
Aaj ho gayee hai past…
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Offer valid till stocks last.. :-P
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Arz kiya hai…
Bakre ne maara jo bakri ko seeng……
Bakre ne maara jo bakri ko seeng……
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Toh Bakri bhi maregi bakre ko seeng.
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Arz kiya hai…
Baith kar girlfriend ki Zulfon ke saaye mai aisa josh aaya…
Wah-Wah, Wah-Wah…
Baith kar girlfriend ki Zulfon ke saaye mai aisa josh aaya…
;
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Ki Uske papa ne dekh liya aur ICU mai hosh aaya…
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Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...
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Waah! Waah!
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Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...

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"Maa, Tata Sky Laga Daala To Life Jhingalala ..!!"
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Teacher to student : 1 chiku ke ped pe 10 kele lage hai, usme se 5 aam gir gaye , to btao ab kitne angoor bache…

Raju : Sir 10 hathi bache…

Teacher: Arrey waah, tumhe kaise pata chala




Raju : Kyunki aaj main tiffin mein methi ke pronthe laaya hun..
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Romio ne juliet se kaha ek sach
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Romio ne juliet se kaha ek sach
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.Asali masale sach sach
MDH.....MDH ...!
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Ek Kana Ladka Kisi ladki ko Propose kare to kaun sa gana Gayega???????


???????????????

!!!
!!!
….
!!!
….












Ek Nazar se bhi Pyar Hota hai Maine suna Hai............................................
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A scientist disconnected his doorbell.......

can u guess why???

????
try

think!!!

donno???
cuz
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!!!!!!!!

he wanted to win the No-bell prize!!!!!!!!!! :P
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Salma ke pyaar me doob gaya Peter

Gaur farmaiye

Salma ke pyaar me doob gaya Peter
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Ab hero Honda splendor 80 kilometer prati leter
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1 ladki ne kiya ladke ko gaal pe kiss
1 ladki ne kiya ladke ko gaal pe kiss

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Mutual funds are subjected to market risks……!!!!
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World's most PAINFUL shayari…

Dil mai chubhi sui….

Arz kiya hai…

Dil mai chubhi sui…

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Uui uui, uui uui…
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A Chemical Analysis of Women

ELEMENT : WOMAN

Symbol : WO+

Discoverer : Adam Edenwarden

Atomic mass : Accepted as 53.6 kg, isotopes vary from 40 - 200kg

Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Surface usually covered with thin film of make-up.

2. Boils at room temperature.

3. Freezes without any known reason.

4. Melts if given special treatment.

5. Bitter if incorrectly used.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Have great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones and absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

2. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.

3. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:

Highly ornamental, especially in social gatherings.

TESTS:

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy.

2. Turns pale green when placed beside a better specimen.

POTENTIAL HAZARDS:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.

2. Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.

Shakltimaan PJ's

Premi ne premika ko bola tu hi meri jaan hai
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Premi ne premika ko bola tu hi meri jaan hai
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Kisi ko batana mat 'Gangadhar hi Shaktiman hai'

Chunnu ne chunni ko bheja pyar ka farman
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Chunnu ne chunni ko bheja pyar ka farman
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Chunni boli aisi galti hui kaise, bolo 'Sorry Shaktiman'

Dabbe pe dabba dabbe me khargosh
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Dabbe pe dabba dabbe me khargosh
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Shaktimaan ne Ghoosa mara Kilvish behosh

Kar de jo najro se ghayal hame uski talash hai
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Kar de jo najro se ghayal hame uski talash hai
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Pata hai? Shaktiman ki girlfrnd Geeta Vishwas hai!!

Shaktimaan kyu hai superman se achcha
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Shaktimaan kyu hai superman se achcha
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Kyuki wo nahi pahanta pant ke oopar kachcha!

What is Marketing (FUNNY)

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me! " - That's Direct Marketing"

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: " He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising"

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: " Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me - That's Telemarketing"

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:"By the way, I'm rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations"

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! Me?" - That's Brand Recognition"

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - " That's Customer Feedback"

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap"

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share"

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets "

5 NICE LITTLE STORIES

5 NICE LITTLE STORIES (Read all)

1. Once, all villagers
decided to pray for rain, on the day of prayer all the People gathered but only one boy came with an umbrella...

THAT'S FAITH

2. When you throw a baby in the air, she laughs because she knows you will catch her...

THAT'S TRUST

3.Every night
we go to bed, without any assurance of being alive the next Morning but still we set the alarms in our watch to wake up...

THAT'S HOPE

4. We plan big things for tomorrow in
spite of zero knowledge of the future or having any certainty of uncertainties...
THAT'S
CONFIDENCE

5. We see the world suffering. We know there is every possibility of same or similar things happening to us. But still we get married to someone??...

THAT'S OVER
CONFIDENCE!!

Beer Vs Woman | Truest facts:Reading is compulsory

This is the Best mail of the year till now…. : -)
Most men like women. But, most men like beer too! So, for men it becomes a rather confusing choice between women and beer! Following is a debate, developed by the University of Mumbai, in India ... to help you analyze which is better!
Here is the debate....... (the 9th point for beer is so true, will understand only if you have experienced)
A Beer is always wet, a woman is not!
1 point for beer!

Beer is horrible, when it is hot!
1 point for women!

A cold beer satisfies you!
1 point for beer!

If you come back home smelling beer, your wife can get angry at you. If you come back home smelling women, your wife will get angry for sure and she might even not talk to you again!
Draw! (Depends on your point of view ...)

10 beers in a night and then you can't drive. 10 women in one night and you don't have to drive anywhere!
1 point for women!

The older, the beer is - the better, it is!
1 point for beer!

Many beers can make you see UFO's. Many women can make you see God!
1 point for women!

If you ask yourself how the next woman will be, you are normal. If you ask yourself how the next beer will be, you are an alcoholic !
1 point for women!

For a beer, you pay taxes!
1 point for women!

If you take a second beer, the first one doesn't get angry!
1 point for beer!
I like this one...
You can always be sure that, you are the first one "Opening" a beer!
1 point for beer!

If you shake a beer, after a while it calms down by itself!
1 point for beer!

You know exactly how much a beer costs!
1 point for beer!

A beer does not have a mother!
1 point for beer!

(9th pointJ) -> You can do it if you want, but beer won't ask you to hug her for half an hour after!
1 point for beer!

So the Score is........... Beer beats women - 9 to 6!

If you are a woman reading this and getting angry......... know that a beer would never get angry! So.......... Another point for beer!
Now the final score is.......... Beer beats women - 10 to 6!

Project Manager Meets Soldier

A real story... A conversation between a passenger and Software Engineer in Shatabdi Train.

Vivek Pradhan was not a happy man.. Even the plush comfort of the Air-conditioned compartment of the Shatabdi express could not cool his frayed nerves. He was the Project Manager and was still not entitled to Air travel. It was not the prestige he sought, he had tried to reason with the admin person, it was the savings in time. As PM, he had so many things to do!!

He opened his case and took out the laptop, determined to put the time to some good use.

'Are you from the software industry sir,' the man beside him was
Staring appreciatively at the laptop. Vivek glanced briefly and
mumbled in affirmation, handling the laptop now with exaggerated care and importance as if it were an expensive car.

'You people have brought so much advancement to the country, Sir. Today everything is getting computerized. '

'Thanks,' smiled Vivek, turning around to give the man a look. He always found it difficult to resist appreciation. The man was young and stockily built like a sportsman... .. He looked simple and strangely out of place in that little lap of luxury like a small town boy in a prep school. He probably was a railway sportsman making the most of his free traveling pass.

'You people always amaze me,' the man continued, 'You sit in an office and write something on a computer and it does so many big things outside.'

Vivek smiled deprecatingly. Naiveness demanded reasoning not anger. 'It is not as simple as that my friend. It is not just a question of writing a few lines. There is a lot of process that goes behind it.'

For a moment, he was tempted to explain the entire Software
Development Lifecycle but restrained himself to a single statement. 'It is complex, very complex.'

'It has to be. No wonder you people are so highly paid,' came the reply.

This was not turning out as Vivek had thought. A hint of belligerence crept into his so far affable, persuasive tone.
'Everyone just sees the money. No one sees the amount of hard work we have to put in. Indians have such a narrow concept of hard work. Just because we sit in an air-conditioned office, does not mean our brows do not sweat. You exercise the muscle; we exercise the mind and believe me that is no less taxing.'

He could see, he had the man where he wanted, and it was time to drive home the point. 'Let me give you an example. Take this train. The entire railway reservation system is computerized. You can book a train ticket between any two stations from any of the hundreds of computerized booking centers across the country. Thousands of transactions accessing a single database, at a time concurrently; data integrity, locking, data security. Do you
Understand the complexity in designing and coding such a system?'

The man was awestruck; quite like a child at a planetarium. This was something big and beyond his imagination. 'You design and code such things.'

'I used to,' Vivek paused for effect, 'but now I am the Project Manager.'

'Oh!' sighed the man, as if the storm had passed over, 'so your life is easy now.'

This was like the last straw for Vivek. He retorted, 'Oh come on, does life ever get easy as you go up the ladder. Responsibility only brings more work. Design and coding! That is the easier part. Now I do not do it, but I am responsible for it and believe me, that is far more stressful. My job is to get the work done in time and with the highest quality'.

He continued, 'To tell you about the pressures, there is the customer at one end, always changing his requirements, the user at the other wanting something else, and your boss, always expecting you to have finished it yesterday.'

Vivek paused in his diatribe, his belligerence fading with
Self-realization. What he had said, was not merely the outburst of a wronged man, it was the truth. And one need not get angry while defending the truth.

'My friend,' he concluded triumphantly, 'you don't know what it is to be in the Line of Fire'.

The man sat back in his chair, his eyes closed as if in realization.
When he spoke after sometime, it was with a calm certainty that
Surprised Vivek.

'I know sir,..... I know what it is to be in the Line of Fire......'

He was staring blankly, as if no passenger, no train existed, just a vast expanse of time.

'There were 30 of us when we were ordered to capture Point 4875 in the cover of the night. The enemy was firing from the top. There was no knowing where the next bullet was going to come from and for whom. In the morning when we finally hoisted the tri-colour at the top only 4 of us were alive.'

'You are a...?'

'I am Subedar Sushant from the 13 J&K Rifles on duty at Peak 4875 in Kargil. They tell me I have completed my term and can opt for a soft assignment. But, tell me sir, can one give up duty just because it makes life easier.On the dawn of that capture, one of my colleagues lay injured in the snow, open to enemy fire while we were hiding behind a bunker. It was my job to go and fetch that soldier to safety. But my captain sahib refused me permission and went ahead himself.

He said that the first pledge he had taken as a Gentleman Cadet was to put the safety and welfare of the nation foremost followed by the safety and welfare of the men he commanded... ....his own personal safety came last, always and every time.'

'He was killed as he shielded and brought that injured soldier into the bunker.Every morning thereafter, as we stood guard, I could see him taking all those bullets, which were actually meant for me. I know sir....I know, what it is to be in the Line of Fire.'

Vivek looked at him in disbelief not sure of how to respond. Abruptly, he switched off the laptop. It seemed trivial, even insulting to edit a Word document in the
presence of a man for whom valour and duty was a daily part of life; valour and sense of duty which he had so far attributed only to epical heroes.

The train slowed down as it pulled into the station, and Subedar Sushant picked up his bags to alight.

'It was nice meeting you sir.'

Vivek fumbled with the handshake.

This hand... had climbed mountains, pressed the trigger, and hoisted the tri-colour. Suddenly, as if by impulse, he stood up at attention and his right hand went up in an impromptu salute....

It was the least he felt he could do for the country.

PS: The incident he narrated during the capture of Peak 4875 is a true-life incident during the Kargil war. Capt. Batra sacrificed his life while trying to save one of the men he commanded, as victory was within sight. For this and various other acts of bravery, he was awarded the Param Vir Chakra, the nation's highest military award.

Live humbly, there are great people around us, let us learn!

EVERYONE U MEET IS FIGHTING A HARD BATTLE !

Funny and Deadly Phone Conversation :)

A TELEPHONE CONVERSATION...

Knott : Who's calling?

Watt : -Watt.

Knott : -What is your name, please?

Watt : -Watt's my name.

Knott : -That's what I asked you.

-What's your name?

Watt : -That's what I told you.

Watt's my name.

A long pause, and then from Watt,

Watt : -Is this James Brown?

Knott : -No, this is Knott.

Watt : -Please tell me your name.

Knott : -Will Knott.

Watt : -Why not?

Knott : -Huh? What do you mean why not?

Watt : -Yeah! Why won't you tell me your name?

Knott : -But I told you my name!

Watt : -Didn't you say you will not?

Knott : -Not not, knott, Will Knott!

Watt : -That's what I mean.

Knott : -So you know my name.

Watt : -Of course not!

Knott : -Good. So now, what is yours?

Watt : -Watt. Yours?

Knott : -Your name!

Watt : -Watt's my name.

Knott : -How the hell do I know? I am asking you!

Watt : -Look I have been very patient and I have told you my
name and you have not even told me yours yet.

Knott : -You have been patient, what about me? I have told you
my name so many times and it is you who have not told me yours yet.

Watt : -Of course not!

Knott : -See, you even know my name!

Watt : -Of course not!

Knott : -Then why do you keep saying of course Knott?

Watt : -Because I don't...

[Pause]

Knott : -What is your name?

Watt : -See, you know my name!

Knott : -Of course not!

Watt : -Then why do you keep asking Watt is your name?

Knott : -To find out your name!

Watt : -But you already know it!

Knott : -What?

Watt : -See, and you know mine!

Knott : -Of course not!

Knott : -Listen, listen, wait; if I asked you what your name
is, what will be your answer?

Watt : -Watt's my name.

Knott : -No, no, give me only one word.

Watt : -Watt

Knott : -Your name!

Watt : -Right!

(pause before it hits him]

Knott : -Oh, Wright!

Watt : -Yeah!

Knott : -So why didn't you say it before?

Watt : -I told you so many times!

Knott : -You never said Wright before

Watt : -Of course I did.

Knott : -Ok I won't argue any more.

-Do you know my name?

Watt : -I do not.

Knott : -Well, there you go, now we know each other's name.

Watt : -I do not!

Knott : -Good!

[pause before it hits him]

Watt : -Oh, Guud!

Knott : -Good.

Watt : -No wonder, it took me so long, is that Dutch?

Knott : -No, it's Knott!

Watt : -Oh, okay. At least the names are clear now Guud.

Knott : -Yes Wright.

Deadly PJs

(1)Emotional Shayari…
Arz kiya hai…
Ab toh Zindagi ka maksad hai tujhe apnana…
Ab toh Zindagi ka maksad hai tujhe apnana…
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A for Apple B for Banana…
WAH WAH…!!
=======================================================================================

(2)Arz kiya hai…
Kal tak thee jo meri present…
Kal tak thee jo meri present…
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Aaj ho gayee hai past…
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Kal tak thee jo meri present…
Aaj ho gayee hai past…
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Offer valid till stocks last.. :-P
=======================================================================================

(3) Arz kiya hai…
Bakre ne maara jo bakri ko seeng……
Bakre ne maara jo bakri ko seeng……
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Toh Bakri bhi maregi bakre ko seeng.
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(4)Arz kiya hai…
Baith kar girlfriend ki Zulfon ke saaye mai aisa josh aaya…
Wah-Wah, Wah-Wah…
Baith kar girlfriend ki Zulfon ke saaye mai aisa josh aaya…
;
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;
Ki Uske papa ne dekh liya aur ICU mai hosh aaya…
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(5)

Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...
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Waah! Waah!
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Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...

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"Maa, Tata Sky Laga Daala To Life Jhingalala ..!!"
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(6)
Teacher to student : 1 chiku ke ped pe 10 kele lage hai, usme se 5 aam gir gaye , to btao ab kitne angoor bache…

Raju : Sir 10 hathi bache…

Teacher: Arrey waah, tumhe kaise pata chala

Raju : Kyunki aaj main tiffin mein methi ke pronthe laaya hun..
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(7)

Romio ne juliet se kaha ek sach
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Romio ne juliet se kaha ek sach
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.Asali masale sach sach
MDH.....MDH ...!
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(8)

Ek Kana Ladka Kisi ladki ko Propose kare to kaun sa gana Gayega???????

???????????????

!!!
!!!
….
!!!
….

Ek Nazar se bhi Pyar Hota hai Maine suna Hai............................................
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(9)

A scientist disconnected his doorbell.......

can u guess why???

????
try

think!!!

donno???
cuz
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!!!!!!!!

he wanted to win the No-bell prize!!!!!!!!!! :P
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(10)

Salma ke pyaar me doob gaya Peter

Gaur farmaiye

Salma ke pyaar me doob gaya Peter
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Ab hero Honda splendor 80 kilometer prati leter
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(11)

1 ladki ne kiya ladke ko gaal pe kiss
1 ladki ne kiya ladke ko gaal pe kiss

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Mutual funds are subjected to market risks……!!!!
Wah wah wah
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(12)

World's most PAINFUL shayari…

Dil mai chubhi sui….

Arz kiya hai…

Dil mai chubhi sui…

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Aawaj aayi
Uui uui, uui uui…

No Comments!!!!!!!!

A smile from God !

Beer Vs Woman | Truest facts:Reading is compulsory

This is the Best mail of the year till now…. : -)
Most men like women. But, most men like beer too! So, for men it becomes a rather confusing choice between women and beer! Following is a debate, developed by the University of Mumbai, in India ... to help you analyze which is better!
Here is the debate....... (the 9th point for beer is so true, will understand only if you have experienced)
A Beer is always wet, a woman is not!
1 point for beer!

Beer is horrible, when it is hot!
1 point for women!

A cold beer satisfies you!
1 point for beer!

If you come back home smelling beer, your wife can get angry at you. If you come back home smelling women, your wife will get angry for sure and she might even not talk to you again!
Draw! (Depends on your point of view ...)

10 beers in a night and then you can't drive. 10 women in one night and you don't have to drive anywhere!
1 point for women!

The older, the beer is - the better, it is!
1 point for beer!

Many beers can make you see UFO's. Many women can make you see God!
1 point for women!

If you ask yourself how the next woman will be, you are normal. If you ask yourself how the next beer will be, you are an alcoholic !
1 point for women!

For a beer, you pay taxes!
1 point for women!

If you take a second beer, the first one doesn't get angry!
1 point for beer!
I like this one...
You can always be sure that, you are the first one "Opening" a beer!
1 point for beer!

If you shake a beer, after a while it calms down by itself!
1 point for beer!

You know exactly how much a beer costs!
1 point for beer!

A beer does not have a mother!
1 point for beer!

(9th pointJ) -> You can do it if you want, but beer won't ask you to hug her for half an hour after!
1 point for beer!

So the Score is........... Beer beats women - 9 to 6!

If you are a woman reading this and getting angry......... know that a beer would never get angry! So.......... Another point for beer!
Now the final score is.......... Beer beats women - 10 to 6!

WHAT IF GOD GOES HIGH TECH

Over the past several years, we have all learned to live with IVRS - 'Inter-active Voice Response System' as a necessary part of modern life. I was just wondering what would happen if God decides to go hi-tech and installs voicemail? I gave it a lot of thought and came up with various scenarios:

Let us imagine a scenario. You dialled God's number.

'Hi! Thank you for calling God. Please select one of the following:

If you are Christian, dial 1
All Hindus, dial 2
All Muslims, dial 3
All others, dial 0.'

So, lets say you are a Hindu and you dialled 2. Here is what you hear:

Press 1 for Requests
Press 2 for Thank you messages for God
Press 3 for Complaints about unfulfilled promises
Press 4 for All other inquiries.
If your prayers are still not answered, dial '0' and ask for Naradmuni.'

Or, if all Gods were busy, you might hear this:

'We are sorry, all our Gods are busy helping other Bhaktas and Sinners. However, your prayer is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received. Please stay on line. One of the Gods will be with you soon.'

Or, it could even go this way when you start praying:

'If you know your God's extension, dial it now.'

Or, you might hear this:

'If you would like to speak to Ganeshji, Press 1.
For Lord Hanuman, Press 2.
For Lord Krishna, Press 3.
To confess your sins, press 4.
To ask for favours, Press 5.'

'You have reached Lord Krishna's extension. I am going to be away to conduct a special yuddha to save the humanity and will be away until the year 2012. If this is something urgent and cannot wait until then, call Shankara at GB +44 779000020000 Call. If you want to speak to someone else, for other gods' directory, Press 6 now.'

For all you know in this day and age of quotas and all, you might even get a response like this:

'Our computer records show that you have already prayed once today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow.'

Or you might even here this if you call on the wrong day:

'This Main Office of Heaven is closed for DIWALI holidays. If this is an emergency, you may try our Himalayan Retreat in the mean time by dialling 6000-31,000.'

So, let us hope and pray that God never learns about computers - because if he does, we are in BIG trouble!

Labour pains!!

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the baby's father, without the need for any physical connection. He asked if they were interested, Both said they were very much in favour of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.. But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.

The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

At this point they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain, and the husband had experienced none. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home they found the postman dead on the porch.

How guys select the girl they want to marry..

How guys select the girl they want to marry

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.

He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man is impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.

She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market.

She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.

She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.

Guess which lady he chose to marry?

What else can u expect a man to think like??!! . . .

(scroll down for the answer)

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He married the most beautiful one!!!!!!
Men are Men.... Obviously!!! :)

Nice thoughts

It is easier to criticize - a good read at leisure

It is easier to criticize

Once upon a time there was a painter who had just completed his course
under disciple hood of a great painter. This young artist decided to
assess his skills. He decided to give his best strokes on the canvass. He
took 3 days and painted beautiful scenery.
He wanted people's opinion about his caliber and painting skills.

He put his creation at a busy street-crossing. And just down below a board
which read-"Gentlemen, I have painted this piece. Since I'm new to this
profession I might have committed some mistakes in my strokes etc. Please
put a cross wherever you see a mistake."

While he came back in the evening to collect his painting he was
completely shattered to see that whole canvass was filled with Xs
(crosses) and some people had even written their comments on the painting.

Disheartened and broken completely he ran to his master's place and burst
into tears. Sobbing and crying he told his master about what happened and
showed the pathetic state of his creation which was filled with crosses
and correction remarks.

This young artist was breathing heavily and master heard him saying "I'm
useless and if this is what I have learnt to paint I'm not worth becoming
a painter. People have rejected me completely. I feel like dying"

Master smiled and suggested "My Son, I will prove that you are a great
artist and have learnt a flawless painting." Young disciple couldn't
believe it and said "I have lost faith in me and I don't think I am good
enough. Don't make false hopes..

"Do as I say without questioning it. It WILL work." Master interrupted
him.

Young artist reluctantly agreed and two days later early morning he
presented a replica of his earlier painting to his master. Master took
that gracefully and smiled.

"Come with me. " master said.

They reached the same street-square early morning and displayed the same
painting exactly at the same place. Now master took out another board
which read -"Gentlemen, I have painted this piece. Since I'm new to this
profession I might have committed some mistakes in my strokes etc. I have
put a box with colors and brushes just below. Please do a favor. If you
see a mistake, kindly pick up the brush and correct it." Master and
disciple walked back home.

They both visited the place same evening. Young painter was surprised to
see that actually there was not a single correction done so far. Next day
again they visited and found painting remained untouched. They say the
painting was kept there for a month for no correction came in!

It is easier to criticize, but difficult to improve. If you want to help
people improve their behavior it is worth investing your effort in
learning how to help people change their behaviors, attitudes and skills.
Also, always remember not to get carried away or judge yourself by someone
else's criticism and feel depressed. Take criticism in your stride;
consider that which are genuine and implement those which you think is the
best to improve you as a person!!

Extremely important recommendations for wives, girlfriends, fiancées, mothers, sisters and daughters.

Extremely important recommendations for wives, girlfriends, fiancées, mothers, sisters and daughters.
1. From 11th June to 11th July, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. The remote control will be fingerprinted each night, any sign of your fingerprints and all shopping trips will be cancelled for a month.
2. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, for an important reason such as preparing snacks or getting in the beers, I don't mind, as long as you crawl along the floor.
3. During the football season, read the sports section of the newspaper so that you get the flavour of the football season.
4. During the games I will be blinkered to match. You cannot expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, it won't happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say ' get over it, it's only a game', or 'don't worry, they'll win next time'. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called 'words of encouragement' will only lead to a break up or divorce.
7. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
8. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because I will not go, I will not go, and I will not go. However, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
9. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. The daily football season highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even say 'but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?
1. And finally, please save your expressions such as: 'Thank God the football season is only every 4 years'. I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Premier League, Italian League, Spanish League.

Thank you for your co-operation.
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Terrible Situation & Amazing Solution !!

The phone rings. The lady of the house answers, "Yes? "
"Mrs. Ward, please."
"Speaking"
"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory.
When your Doctor sent your husband's samples to the lab, the samples from another Mr. Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks.

"Well, one Mr. Ward has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease (related to memory) and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which your husband's is"

"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" questions Mrs. Ward.

"Normally, Yes. But Medicare won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."