A Chemical Analysis of Women

ELEMENT : WOMAN

Symbol : WO+

Discoverer : Adam Edenwarden

Atomic mass : Accepted as 53.6 kg, isotopes vary from 40 - 200kg

Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Surface usually covered with thin film of make-up.

2. Boils at room temperature.

3. Freezes without any known reason.

4. Melts if given special treatment.

5. Bitter if incorrectly used.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Have great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones and absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

2. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.

3. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:

Highly ornamental, especially in social gatherings.

TESTS:

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy.

2. Turns pale green when placed beside a better specimen.

POTENTIAL HAZARDS:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.

2. Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.