This is not for the people who havn't seen 2012 yet.
(1) When collecting animals for the ark, do not collect cows, sheep or pigs (animals that provide humans with food and clothing) rather save the giraffe and the rhino, and then return them to Africa, a part of the world that wasn't flooded anyways!
(2) Also, pick grown-up animals, because they are easier to carry...eh...
(3) Bring your cars instead of survival gears at the boarding. After world is over, all the highways will be empty for you to break speed limits and gas will be cheap.
(4) Make ships , not submarines.
(5) Even during the apocalypse, you will have excellent cell phone reception.
(6) Can't afford 1 billion dollars ticket? take the back stage.
(7) You should always do a 10 minutes debate on "opening the door" when it's 15 minutes before impact!
(8) Write a book, even if it sucks. Because when the world ends, you may be lucky enough to have a copy of it saved by one of the survivors and be forever immortalized
(9) Don't get stuck in the middle compartment because that will be the only one that fully fills with water.
(10) That you need to delete your brain white and throw out everything you know in order to have the light of wisdom.
(11) Giant tsunamis can rise higher than the Himalayas.
(12) Made in China ships are the only way to save mankind.
(13) You should listen and trust a crazy DJ who camped out in the middle of the woods.
(14) Write a novel and get published! You'll never know that one day, it might become the world's heritage.
(15) SONY VAIO has dibs on the apocalyptic laptops.
(16)Even after all communication on earth has ceased, a guy in india can still call you on your cell phone!
(17) If you fall into the earth, just climb back up.
(18) When you only have seconds to save the lives of everyone on your ship by only going down a flooded tunnel and fix the problem, you will still have time to hug, kiss, whisper, and finally slowly move apart while still exchanging words inaudibly with your ex wife
(19) Just as our hero rolls up his shirt sleeves and heads off to save mankind, a minor character can utter the words "But it's a suicide mission" without bursting into tears at the dreadful script he's been given.
(20) You cannot start your engines without closing the doors.
(21) You need a wielder who looks a lot like Jackie Chan to get in through the back door of the arc.
(22) World leaders will always position similar looking icons behind their heads when having video conference calls.
(23) If your about to get hit by a big wave and your near a huge buddist gong on top of a mountain.... go for it man.. ring the hell out of that thing!
(24) The continent of Africa in the future will be populated by Elephants, Rhinos, Giraffes, and little dogs.
(25) It doesn't matter if your new boyfriend that you love and helped you raised your kids died in a horrible way, your ex saved the world, **ck him and forget about him.
(26) Arnold is Governor after his term expired and he assumes the worst is over than dies during the earthquake. Arnold won't be back after that.
(27) Even the Apocalypse doesn't give a F*** about Africa.
(28) a russian girl's whistle to her dog is louder than thousands of people screaming.
(29) the sistine chapel will crack exactly between adam and god.
(30) When the world ends... the last thing ever made will read... "MADE IN CHINA"
(31) When John Cusack tells you to be calm - that's when you can panic.
(32) The only blacks meant to survive the Apocalypse will be those in the President's cabinet or family.
(33) Elephants, Giraffes, and Rhinos will be allowed on the ship before any black Africans.
(34) The moment your father forgives for marrying a Japanese woman...you're gonna die.
(35) Engines not being able to start without the gate being closed is a MASSIVE design flaw
(36) Everyone will forget about the poor drowning Russian woman.
(37) Elephants, Giraffes, and Rhinos can survive while being hoisted by a helicopter in an incredibly snowy climate.
(38) When your boyfriend gets ripped to shreds, don't even pretend to be upset. You still have your first one, your kids won't even notice.
(39) Make sure your collection of conspiracy maps are clearly labeled.
(40) Russian multi-billionaires must start their voice-operated Bentleys in English.
(41) When people survived a apocalyse, the first thing to do is to reset the calendar, and stop using the English month names, instead use geeky-looking "Month 01".
(42) 1 billion dollars is nothing, 1 billion euros is something to cry about.
(43) The guy who figures everything out in the first place will not get picked up.
(44) if you live in california your the first to go.
(45) Fate always mends broken families back together by killing the stepdad
(46) John Cusack can't be killed, ever!
(47) If you accept to take on a suicide mission, that does not mean you are going to die.
(48) President's daughters are sexually frustrated.
(49) In the original plan, the new world will be completely repopulated by a bunch of old men and the ex presdents daughter (unless i missed a truck load of fertile women)
(50) The warlords and dictators of Africa will openly welcome the world's billionares who left them to die.
(51) Don't worry about refueling, your destination has moved 1500 miles in your direction!!
(52) If you've watched this movie, you know their secrets, so now you must be terminated.
(53) Australians quite understandably have no role to play after an apocalypse
(54) Best way to stop an argument with a wife or a girlfriend is to have a supermarket split in half.
(55) Even if you bring back your kids to Southern California from Yellowstone EARLY, you will still be LATE for work!
(56) If the back end of a winnebago is blown off, you can keep driving on the front wheels.
(57) Homeless people always have access to top secret information about the end of the world and that they write clues about it on a piece of cardboard.
(58) Every single world leader and cabinet member uses a Sony Vaio laptop.
(59) The President was the only one who survived the fall of the washington monument only to get crushed by an aircraft carrier seconds after he regains consciousness.
(60) After having escaped every natural disaster known to men to make it to your destination, you are liable to screw it up getting through the backdoor of a ship.
(61) New York City is not affected by 2012 because it was already destroyed in The Day After Tomorrow.
(62) You never have to worry about no signal on cell phones in 2012.
(63) If you are a russian and speak/argue with another russian, its better to speak in english, like you master the language .
(64) If your Russian, you're automatically a backstabber.
(65) When jumping with a car from an aeroplane, choose the spacious Bentley and stick 9 people inside, that is the safest way to do it. Using 2-3 vehicles instead would be a suicide.
(66) Yellow screw guns made in China are strong enough to use on any project.
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